Single most important quality.

[JR]

I wanted to find out (straight from the horses mouth so to speak) what "one" single trait in a man is most important to you. I realize that the list is not comprehensive so please feel free to reply with ONE that is not on the list.

[Blues Fairy]

Is it by design that you have not included intellect? 

[JR]

Is it by design that you have not included intellect? 

Nope, you just added it

[Lily]

I'd say this is a lifelong usage to enjoy all pleasant things in life that can be read up right from the person. In a man, this is an irresistible quality.

When I think of every man who I was in love with during my life, they were all distinct by this elusive but visible and palpable feature. Such men used to be loved, where the word 'used' even prevails over 'loved'. They may appear constantly upright and businesslike, but an epicurean nature showed off behind this mask rather clearly.

To illustrate, I love men who could never be like people who think work, just work and nothing but work (I meet a lot of such folks), but rather a sort of an opposite to this. Remember Churchill's saying 'I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat'? There are a number of people who in daily life feel and vibe like they have lived their life like this What I look for in a man is exactly the opposite.

Essentially, I think that attraction is nothing but a silent promise of pleasure. This relates both to men and women.

 

[Rina_G]

Hi  Jolly!   

   
Thanks for the interesting questions.
I thought, but what is important for me in a man? I went over in my head qualities - intelligence, appearance, manners - and could not find something important thing.
Then I realized that my man should be very interesting as a person, I need to spend all time with the versatile man.
This is not to solve crossword puzzles or read each other lectures. This means - to understand the other person, be a good storyteller and a good listener, a high emotional intellect
if we are talking about the relationship - here I think the main thing - it is reciprocity. This is the foundation, the rest - the superstructure, a consequence.
thanks again for your question. This is the art of asking questions. which every wants to answer.

[Mars]

I'd say this is a lifelong usage to enjoy all pleasant things in life that can be read up right from the person. In a man, this is an irresistible quality.

When I think of every man who I was in love with during my life, they were all distinct by this elusive but visible and palpable feature. Such men used to be loved, where the word 'used' even prevails over 'loved'. They may appear constantly upright and businesslike, but an epicurean nature showed off behind this mask rather clearly.

To illustrate, I love men who could never be like people who think work, just work and nothing but work (I meet a lot of such folks), but rather a sort of an opposite to this. Remember Churchill's saying 'I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat'? There are a number of people who in daily life feel and vibe like they have lived their life like this What I look for in a man is exactly the opposite.

Essentially, I think that attraction is nothing but a silent promise of pleasure. This relates both to men and women.

 

Lily, you usually write very clearly.  But this is the most confusing thing I have ever read.  I have read it several times and still understand zero about what your meaning is.  Please do some editing of your thoughts and repost it again!!  :-))

[Lily]

Mars, very sorry if my description appears hardly understandable. I used some tricks like antithesis to illustrate, because I see it is a complicated thing what I try to say. Afraid I'll have a hard time trying to be more specific...

In other words, a single most important quality in a man that attracts me is a permanent habitual presence of pleasures in his life. This feature can be subtly and implicitly seen sometimes on a person through his normal demeanor that he shows at work or wherever else.

However, it does not make a waiver of his other qualities, though

[TheBlackCat]

Correct me if I'm wrong Lily, I think what you mean is you are attracted by men who enjoy all the little moments of life. They really are aware of the present moment. They can laugh at themselves and are caring for what's happening NOW. They live the present moment and are not preoccupied by the little disagreements of life. They are fun to be with and by epicurian you mean they enjoy all pleasures of life. When they appear somewhere it is a joy to be in their company as they are a magnet for fun and laughs.

[Lily]

Well TheBlackCat, probably,... but again, I don't think that men who I try to describe were some magnets for fun and who visibly enjoyed life. On the opposite, they seemed to be businesslike and apparently decent. They talked mostly about serious things and made an appearance that they don't care about little 'silly things'. However, after some socializing with them it was obvious that this seriousity was superficial, that deep inside they were just kids who know that the whole world loves them, and that their every incorrect step will be forgiven. They look like they used to be loved, and their surroundings feel it. Silent promise of pleasure, this is the word for them.

Sorry for my being complicated, but I feel that I have problems making it simplier..

[Gator]

Lily, you usually write very clearly.  But this is the most confusing thing I have ever read.  I have read it several times and still understand zero about what your meaning is.  Please do some editing of your thoughts and repost it again!!  :-))

I find the irony hilarious.  Here we have a man who calls himself Mars as in "Men are from Mars, women from Venus."  And he seems surprised to be confused by what Lily wrote.

Some time ago somebody sent me a flow chart on how women think.  It was one of the most complicated and convoluted charts that I have ever seen.  Mars, give up and back to your cave.

Lily, some of us men will behave one way with a woman and in another way with a second woman.  And every now and then along comes a woman who will make us want to be a better man for her.

[Aloe]

Is it by design that you have not included intellect?  

so you would marry a total a-hole just because he is very very VERY smart?

[Aloe]

this is a weird question Jolly, isnt is obvious that its character? It is the character you live with, not the other things. Its your two characters and how well they get along that determine the happiness or unhappiness with each other, all other things are somewhat a factor but are less important for long term wellbeing (if you dont take extreme cases like nothing to eat poor and etc)
Also communication is a part of character, should not be split into a seperate category

[Blues Fairy]

so you would marry a total a-hole just because he is very very VERY smart?

I have always noticed that on average, intelligent people less often happen to be a-holes than stupid ones.  A truly intelligent person is reasonable enough not to be an a-hole.  A-hole-ness itself is a form of stupidity, IMHO.

[JR]

this is a weird question Jolly, isnt is obvious that its character? It is the character you live with, not the other things. Its your two characters and how well they get along that determine the happiness or unhappiness with each other, all other things are somewhat a factor but are less important for long term wellbeing (if you dont take extreme cases like nothing to eat poor and etc)
Also communication is a part of character, should not be split into a seperate category

Agreed Aloe. But until yesterday Material Well Being had the number one position with a write-in of intellegence.

There is no right or wrong answer, there is only each person's perspective.

[pitbull]

Agreed Aloe. But until yesterday Material Well Being had the number one position with a write-in of intellegence.

There is no right or wrong answer, there is only each person's perspective.

Cannot vote since you haven't included intelligence 

[JR]

Cannot vote since you haven't included intelligence 

U just did silly willy, as a write-in

[mirrror]

 A communication.

 I was thinking about "material" but I know many wealthy people to communicate with whom is absolutely impossible.The most of them " concentrated at themselves" people.
I am sure we all are looking for a relationship where we can give and take attention so it is possible with people who is able to communicate.  

 One  important correction: not to take attention but to have a possibility to give an attention is very important too.We see sometimes that a man shows his irritation towards his woman trying to care about him.I am sure this woman would be more happy if this man would learn how to take her attention.

[mies]

the person with whom i can stay "locked in elevator" long enough together. Most of people "for personal use" i can tolerate in "smaller amounts" - few hours in a row at most. This rule, apparently does not spread on colleagues - only on friends and significant others.

[Gator]

I have always noticed that on average, intelligent people less often happen to be a-holes than stupid ones.  A truly intelligent person is reasonable enough not to be an a-hole.  A-hole-ness itself is a form of stupidity, IMHO.

  

In addition, an intelligent person knows little if nothing is to be gained, and certainly not worth the effort.

PS - you are picking up the expressive American vernacular very well:  prick, a$$hole, ....  Welcome to America.

[BrightDawn]

I think Lily communicated very well the essence of female attraction for a man. Worth paying attention to

[BC]

I think Lily communicated very well the essence of female attraction for a man. Worth paying attention to

..do I detect a flirt?

[AnastassiaAsh]

In this particular poll I chose "communication". Everything starts with that and proceeds with that. But at the same time, at least for me, there are 8-10 other things that are very important and it won't work for me if there are only 9 out of 10 in a man. For example: faith, morals, education, job, goals, honesty, being attractive, manners etc. Take any one out of the list and it won't work for me. So all are the most important to me.

BF mentioned that 'usually' thing, I agree with that very much. Usually if a man is intelligent and smart he has higher education which usually means a good job. If a person is a Christian with Christian morals, he usually has a very nice character. A man who exercises regularly is usually attractive. Of course there are exceptions, but you know what, my personal experience based on this lead me to my two best men in the world.  One has to compose a list of most important things in a partner and really stick with it while searching.

[Lily]

Dears, don't you think that communication is not a quality but a medium, a tool with which we discover certain qualities? A good communicator may reveal certain qualities that we want (or not want) to see in a person.

At the same time, an ability to communicate well is a quality, though. But what exactly do we want to discover through his communication, ladies?

[mies]

to be consistent with my earlier posts - i picked looks.
1) because i cannot identify the other qualities from distance and in order to get interested in person and to start communication - i need to see someone who attracts me visually.
2) because the person whom i like is always the most handsome to me. I am not going to give ambiguous compliments of a kind "there are more handsome people, but we have best communication".

[BrightDawn]

..do I detect a flirt?

Who me? Flirt with a pretty lady? Nope never!

But, I was not flirting with Lilly. I meant what I said.