Novosibirsk Doesn't Believe in Tears: TwoBit's Sixteen Days In Novosibirsk

[wicheese]

At some point in these journeys the man does have to look in the mirror and question the man he finds there IMO

FP,
 
In a way I would not blame TBB as the reason we most all travel (to potentially upgrade on our local options), can lead to a serious case of the "kid in a candy store" syndrom.  So when faced with near unlimited choices, you try to find the best for you because that's the reason why you're going through all the extra effort.  In effect, you aim for the very best (not just one who will meet your requirements since we are going so far), but these ladies also have options so we might come up short with the top choice and when we realize we're out of the game (or realize our top choice is not who we thought), then our second or third picks may have already moved on, so in effect, we end up starting over again from the beginning. 
 
 
 
 

[Muzh]

FP, I'm no psychologist but this statement below might bring some light to his "dilema."
 
 

     
If you’re making $100K, $200K, $300K, $400K, it doesn’t matter.   Silicon Valley is like that: if you ended up here for whatever reason, you have the skills to make six figures.  I’ve been reading in the news and places that there’s some kind of a bad economy going on or something, but I haven’t noticed at all.  I used to be polite and chat with headhunters on the phone and politely say “thanks, but not thanks” in response to their emails.  But now I don’t respond to their emails.  When they call me on the phone I tell them to fuck off and take their middle-management job at Qualcomm or Apple or Google or Facebook or Groupon or wherever and go shove it up their ass: it’s not worth my time to go interview for it.   The economy here in Silicon Valley is just fine, thank you very much.

Me thinks that the word empathy has some bearing here somewhere.
 
 

[Faux Pas]

Wicheese




The hunt for perfection in a person is a misnomer, man or woman. Those that seek it IMO, have deeper psychological issues to be addressed. I am not referring to TBB specifically here but, in general, those who won't settle for less than a perfect woman will forever be looking.


Just the quest or the hunt for the perfect woman can disguise your ideal woman when you meet her. Chances are your ideal woman doesn't meet the criteria of your perfect woman. If she was so perfect, what could she possibly want with you? Make sense?


Kind of like Groucho Marx stated, "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member" 

[TwoBitBandit]

 

I am not sure what I/O said, but that was my point. Playing games of the PUA or other varieties IMHO leads nowhere if the goal is to find a decent woman in Russia to marry.

You and I are talking past each other, so I think some clarification on my own life experience is required.
 
I had the pleasure to meet GQBlues from this board in person once.  I liked GQBlues, but it was pretty clear to me that he had a different life experience from me.  I met him at a skiing trip at Lake Tahoe organized by some and some other members.  I have a vivid memory of GQBlues telling stories about crazy things he did when he was a bachelor and just laughing my ass off about their sheer craziness: he’s a good storyteller.  What's more is this: I believe that they really happened.  GQBlues was probably successful with women far earlier than I was.  I was amazed by GQBlues’ stories because I never would have had the ballsiness to do the things he did at the age he did them.  It was clear to me why his wife was attracted to him, and I consider them well-matched.  GQ probably had a cocky-funny vibe even when he was in grade school.  In that context, I understand why his comments indicate he doesn’t quite ‘get’ my perspective.  I haven’t met you, so I don’t really have context about why you keep repeating the same thing without making a material rebuttal.  Perhaps sometimes we will meet, and then everything will make sense.  I’ll buy the first round.
 
I myself was very introverted as a child.  When GQBlues was hanging out with his guy friends learning social skills, I was growing up alone in a very rural area reading books.  I was also a bit different, having academic skill sets that were six or seven years above my grade level.  I could never really talk about what I was passionate about with my friends.  How in the world do you talk about what you read in a Heinlein novel to your fourth grade friend?  As I write this, I’m laughing out loud as I recall when I actually tried to explain the plot of a particular Heinlein novel to my best friend in fourth grade and realizing that he just didn’t get it.  With the clarity of adulthood it makes so much more sense.
 
So, when it came to dating I was behind the curve.  I had some girlfriends as I alluded to in this post and spent about half my twenties in a relationship , but it was pretty clear that I wasn’t ‘selected.’  In the absence of societal constraint (like modern times), very young women select men mostly on social status.  Making the ‘beta’ decision to do well in school doesn’t really start to pay off in any meaningful way until your late twenties in this culture.  (And it may not pay off at all, depending on how well you play it.)
 
Let me change the topic for a second.  At some point, I decided that I wanted to advance in my career.  So, I started to read books on management.  I started dressing a lot better.  I always went to meetings and tried to help solve whatever problem was being solved.  I negotiated better.  I always sought to understand issues and get my facts straight before speaking.  I read books about software program management and why projects succeed or fail.  I sought to be proactive and get in front of problems.  I mentored summer interns.  And so on…  I adopted a new set of habits, and thereby became a different sort of person.  With these changes, I soon found myself in the ranks of management, and I’ve been managing for ten years or so now.
 
Now, it’s certainly possible that my cube neighbor from my first job out of college could come across me and say, “TwoBit, you’re not fooling anyone.  You’re still that talented-but-overconfident kid that wore Birkinstocks and t-shirts to work.”  Probably, even you can agree that wouldn’t be a reasonable argument.
 
And the same applies to women.  Never supplicate.  Lead.  Control the frame.  Make decisions quickly: it’s better to be wrong once in a while than be indecisive.  You get two chances to apologize in any relationship: save them for when you back up over her dog or sleep with her best friend.  Identify ‘shit tests’ (questions of your frame) and respond by one of three techniques: ignore, reframe, or agree & amplify.  A woman is like your shadow: run from her, and she follows; chase her, and she flees.
 
I’d put it like this: having a woman is like having a kid sister.  She can come along with you if you follow your rules.  She’ll want to because you’re doing cool stuff in life.  Set the rules and enforce them.  Reward good behavior.  Punish bad behavior.  Do fun things with your little sister.  You can be “nice,” but stop the instant your leadership is in question.  As the leader in the relationship, you must keep hand.  If you lose hand your little sister won’t follow you anymore: you don’t want to look up to your little sister.  You and your little sister will be happier that way.  Everything your little sister does is cute.  If your little sister makes you crazy by manipulating your mental state or poking holes through your confidence the fault is yours, not your sister’s.  No, I’m not going to play Barbies with you; that’s gay.  Let’s go bike riding and climb trees and other cool big-brother stuff: you’ll have a fun time if you come along with me.   And quit whining about everything!  Come along with me and we’ll have fun and I’ll keep you safe from trouble.
 
(As I wrote that, I could already hear the straw-man rebuttal coming.  Of course, you should always treat your partner with respect and take serious issues seriously.  I'm just saying that a guy must step up and be the leader and keep frame/hand most of the time.)


So, if I adopt that set of behaviors and always do that, then I really am a different person.  It’s not any materially different than the case I described earlier about work.   Over time, thoughts become words.  Over time, words become actions.  Over time, actions become habits.  Over time, habits become character.  Over time, character becomes destiny.
 
If you label what women perceive as higher-value behavior as ‘PUA games,’ then you’re missing my point.  (I think the term ‘game’ is a misnomer and just came into common use because of Neil Strauss’ book.  If the study of attraction had evolved some other way and it was called ‘charisma’ instead of ‘game’ it would have the same content but be received differently.)  If you want to attract women of any value, you have to dig up your inner alpha and drag him to the surface.  (Perhaps it’s better to confess that I personally needed to dig up my own alpha: there’s plenty of guys who have reached a notch count of twenty or thirty before they even get out of high school who seem to have already discovered their inner alpha.  Often, the ‘early alphas’ don’t do well later in life.  The guy with the high notch count is likely to be working at a gas station for not much more than minimum wage when he’s thirty-five. )
 
Misha, when you say “Playing games of the PUA or other varieties IMHO leads nowhere if the goal is to find a decent woman in Russia to marry,” I both agree and disagree with you.  My position is that to catch a great woman you must be both the solid professionally successful guy and the sexy guy.  Without the “solid provider” part you’re just a posturing douchebag.  Without the sexy guy part you’re a nerd.  Not many girls want either of those.  You must be both to catch a high-value woman.  (Although relying mostly on the “professionally successful” part is by far a more successful strategy in the FSU than doing the same in the Anglosphere.  In the Anglosphere, that strategy will only catch single mothers, fat chicks, and thirtysomething shrews with babies rabies.)
 
My attitude toward relationships and toward women has become more Machiavellian since I eschewed my ‘nice guy’ mantle and took a bit of a ‘red pill’ a number years ago.  I wouldn’t characterize my approach to handling women as ‘playing games.’  I’ve become a different person.  I’ve adopted the attitude, “I am the prize.”  Any particular woman can believe that or not believe that.  If she believes it also, then perhaps we can travel on the path of life together for some amount of time.  If she doesn’t believe that, then she’s going to travel on a different path.  In any event, I’m not going to change my frame to “you’re the prize, my dear” if she doesn’t adopt my frame.  That’s a path to losing hand, and if a man loses hand he’s done.  The feminist construct that relationships are about ‘equality’ is hogwash.
 
The rise of ‘PUA’ is simply the male countermove in response to feminism.  In a world of unconstrained female choice, urban anonymity and overprotection by the legal system in a world where resources aren’t an issue, women gravitate toward alphas.  Despite how they might protest, women will share men if the man has enough status.  Men are hardwired not to share due to the risk of cuckoldry.  Being beta, even a very successful beta, doesn’t get you anything in Dating 2.0.  (Unless you consider thirtysomething shews with babies rabies worth dating.  All you need to catch those thirtysomething shrews is a penis and a heartbeat.)  In the Anglosphere, you must amp up your alpha to catch girls.  This isn’t your father’s post-WW2-era mating dance.
 
It’s true that the ‘mix’ of alpha and beta that attracts women the most is a bit different in the FSU and the West, and it’s refreshing in way.  In the Anglosphere, to catch high-value women of marriageable age (say 22-27), you must be a raging arrogant dickhead.  Feminism has filled their cute little heads about all these ideas that they can have everything.  Of course, they all want (and feel they are entitled to) the same 10% of men.  Those 10% men are drowning in women.  Young women get a false sense of confidence because they think that because those alphas will bang them, that they have a chance to get him to commit.  In reality, those ‘selected’ 10% of guys don’t have any need to commit.  It’s not until they’re past thirty that they wise up and choose their beta counterpart.  So, as a beta, you have two strategies: you can alpha up, or you can marry a thirtysomething.  The latter strategy is just gross to me: I don’t pay full price for what other guys got for free, and then endure Marriage 2.0 with the Divorce 2.0 Sword of Damocles hanging over my head.
 
The thing that is refreshing about the FSU is that women in that age range (22-27) almost all want to get married and have children, and select far more for ‘beta’ traits than their Western sisters.  You can just be a solid “upper beta” guy and get the attention of women worth having.  It’s just simply a refreshing change.
 
Changing the topic, one of the things that I’ve found fascinating about what is called the ‘manosphere blogs’ is that some have popped up describing how they applied the concepts of ‘game’ to their marriages and changed them for the better.  Athol Kay, writes a great blog about re-igniting your marriage using ‘game’ concepts and getting the nookie you thought you were going to get when you got married.  (He also wrote a book called “The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011” which is available though Amazon or wherever.)  Dalrock is a married guy writing a fascinating blog about what’s going wrong in our culture and why we, as a culture, are eating our seed corn.   A guy named Dave writes a great blog about handling his wife (among other things) and became famous when his ideas circulated around the internet culminating with a blog post about his marriage.
 
One of the things that helped me understanding women better was reading about evolutionary psychology.  (I particularly recommend “Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles” by Robin Baker and “The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature” by Matt Ridler.)  Women are hypergamous.  That is, they’re always seeking to mate with a single man of higher status.  Having more than one man doesn’t evolutionarily benefit a woman because her investment in a child is always huge.  Her ideal strategy is to mate with one very high status guy and secure his investment.  That’s very different from men: the ideal scenario for a man is to have a harem and not invest in any of them.  Despite our sociological constructs, our hindbrains still influence modern dating behavior.


In the FSU life is much harder, so there is actually an incentive for a woman to choose beta.  Although there are few social controls on what women can do, the lack of socialism and big government acts as a sort of social control: if you (as a woman) have a child out of wedlock, you have a big problem.  That’s different than in the west, where a high degree of socialism and family law biased against men creates an incentive for having a child out of wedlock.  That’s why 41% of babies in this country are now born out of wedlock.  It is rotting our culture and economy from the inside out.

[TwoBitBandit]

 

Me thinks that the word empathy has some bearing here somewhere.

The west is bifurcating into two groups: the ‘producers’ and the ‘voters.’  For the ‘voting class’, it’s easier to vote to confiscate the wealth of the ‘productive class’ through direct and indirect taxation than it is to try to produce something themselves.  I had more empathy for the ‘voting class’ when they didn’t use their voting power so voraciously and abusively and actually made an effort to do something useful.  I think they were called the ‘working class’ instead of the ‘voting class’ back in those good ol’ days.  Seeing that the results of my productive effort are confiscated and spent on social policies that actually work to my detriment not only make me lose empathy, but give me an outright disdain for the ‘voting class.’  I blame them for malaise in our culture and the substitution of good governance with panem et circenses even more than the politicians they elected.  Who could have predicted how accurate Ayn Rand would be when she wrote Atlas Shrugged? 
 
The problem is that technology has changed the world.  People blame the Chinese for taking our jobs, but what’s much more responsible for that is robotics, information technology and the Internet.  Many things that were once done manually are now done by those things.  Increasingly complex software, on the back of Moore’s Law, is making entire companies and labor skills obsolete.  That this is coming has been obvious since the 1980s to anyone who bothered to open their eyes.  For the United States (or any other modern economy) to advance, we have to move up the food chain.  When one product becomes commoditized throughout the world, we have to already invented the next technology that can’t be knocked off so easily.  Eventually that will be commoditized, and so we need to be on the next thing.  Simple jobs, like repairing lawnmowers or attaching fenders to cars at the Ford factory, are just gone.  To participate in the “new economy” and have a net increase in spending power vs. twenty years ago,  you must be “above average” in some way.  You have to do more than just show up.  What’s happened in the past twenty years is that the bottom 80% have seen their inflation-adjusted income decline.  Yet, for the top 20%, the world is getting better.  And above the 95th percentile (which describes a good chunk of Silicon Valley professionals), life has never been better.
 
The bottom 80% believe that their plight is written in stone, and their only option to get more wealth is to vote to take it out of the hands of the productive.  And the number of people an advanced economy needs to do basic jobs like bartending or painting is increasing much slower than demand and population, so their wages have been stagnant.  What those 80% need to do is understand that the world has changed: they must figure out how to specialize and find a niche.  Specialization and complexity is what makes a rich country rich: it can produce products that other countries can’t.  People have to figure out how to move up the food chain in some way.  The great writer Anton Chekhov characterized it beautifully when he wrote “В человеке должно быть все прекрасно: и лицо, и одежда, и душа, и мысли.”
 
There is a severe shortage of highly skilled labor.  Silicon Valley is booming, and software engineers with talent have no shortage of opportunity.  Marc Andressen, who founded Netscape and is now a venture capitalist, hit the nail on the head when he wrote:

Secondly, many people in the U.S. and around the world lack the education and skills required to participate in the great new companies coming out of the software revolution. This is a tragedy since every company I work with is absolutely starved for talent. Qualified software engineers, managers, marketers and salespeople in Silicon Valley can rack up dozens of high-paying, high-upside job offers any time they want, while national unemployment and underemployment is sky high. This problem is even worse than it looks because many workers in existing industries will be stranded on the wrong side of software-based disruption and may never be able to work in their fields again. There's no way through this problem other than education, and we have a long way to go.

On the other hand, when Wal-Mart opens a new store the lines just to apply for a minimum-wage (or near minimum wage) job, the line wraps around the building.  They believe that the trends of the modern world have left them no choice but to vote for socialist policies.  So, they’re voting their own self-interest. 
 
Yet, when I look at these people I just see sloth.  It’s true that it in modern times it’s harder to be born “average” in all respects and get ahead.  However, the changes caused by technology aren’t going away, so the sooner they adjust and crank up their inner giant and bring him to the surface the better off they’ll be.  Instead, a good chunk of these people are trying to figure out how to suck off the tit of Big Government in one form of another (government jobs, joining unions of public employees, disability, welfare, food stamps, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, defense contractors, etc.)
 
The good news is that there is still one bubble, and it’s popping now.  It’s the bubble of Big Government.  You can see that in virtually all western countries (plus Japan): there is not enough productivity to support existing socialist policies even at 100% taxation.  Sooner or later the size of government will get in line with net productivity.  Solving the problem of government growth through government itself is intractable, as recent events in Europe and the United States show.  We are all Greece now: it’s just a matter of time.  Just look at what’s happening there: the slothful are holding riots for more Big Government: the exact problem that got them into this mess.
 
I’ll be glad to throw the ‘voting class’ under the bus at the first opportunity when the Big Government bubble is done popping.  And if the ‘voting class’ holds the cards at the end of the collapse, then I’ll “Go Galt” or expatriate rather than face usurious taxation of my productivity.  I’m no humanitarian and I despise sloth.
 
Muzh, the world is counting on you to have twice the empathy normally expected to make up for my total lack thereof.  Please, hold up my share!  I’m begging you!

[TwoBitBandit]

 

The hunt for perfection in a person is a misnomer, man or woman…  Kind of like Groucho Marx stated, "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member" 

In a way I would not blame TBB as the reason we most all travel (to potentially upgrade on our local options), can lead to a serious case of the "kid in a candy store" syndrome.  So when faced with near unlimited choices, you try to find the best for you because that's the reason why you're going through all the extra effort.

Well, I’ll say this: it’s true that I’ve been picky and done most of the rejecting.  I’ll admit that I’ve casually cut loose a number of women that would have made great wives and some that really wanted to catch me.   Whoever wrote “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” was right!  I have a couple of stories of what happened with scorned women that I’m not going to write about on this board because nobody would believe them!  Yet, on almost every trip, there was almost always a woman who I wanted to catch and continued to pursue after my return home but ultimately didn’t catch.
 

If [you would write about what happened next], I would be grateful.

FP, it could also be that TwoBit just hasn't fallen in love yet.  Before I can assign him the status of one who's not willing or able to pull the trigger, I've got to read more...

Anyways, it’s time for me to go get some sleep… and I promise in my next post I’ll write something about what happened with Galina in Paris.  Au revoir!

OK, back to the trip report!
 
I continued to write Galina after my return to the United States.  We chatted on the phone fairly often and exchanged a lot of SMS messages.  I was always impressed with Galina’s letters, and she always wrote in English even when I wrote in Russian and she knows that I speak Russian.  (It was obvious that she wasn’t using an automatic translator because she made spelling and grammar errors that no computer algorithm would make.)  As autumn rolled around, I knew that I wanted to see her again.  As I didn’t want to go to Siberia in the winter (been there, done that), I decided to invite her to Paris.  I’d been to France before, but I had only spent a couple of days in Paris and wanted to spend more time there.  I realized it would be more expensive than me flying to Novosibirsk, but I’m doing well so why not?
 
Galina needed a visa to go to France, and needed an airline ticket before applying for a visa.  Galina earns an above-average (and documented) salary in Russia, so I was optimistic about her chances of getting a visa.  I don’t think it’s so hard to get a French Schengen visa unless it’s obvious that the applicant won’t return to Russia.  I bought a ticket online on Aeroflot and sent Galina about $350 for the application fee.
 
It really made me think, because it’s the opposite of my approach to dating in Silicon Valley.  I won’t even take a girl out to dinner until after she’s slept with me.  You can’t show even one bit of beta or you’re done.  Yet, at this point I hadn’t been intimate with Galina, yet I’ve put up about $1100.  Dating overseas changes everything, and requires different behavior.  As they say in cards: “any bet worth making is worth doubling down on.”
 
Galina got her visa, and we met during winter.  Our flights arrived about an hour apart.  I couldn’t get all the way to her gate without going through a security checkpoint that I didn’t have documentation for, so I met her at the baggage carousel.  As soon as she saw me she smiled and came over to me with a hug and a kiss.  Her response was warmer than I expected, and I was surprised how long she held onto me.  (I later asked her about it, and she said that there are a lot of men who talk but few act: when I started to write her more seriously and actually paid for the tickets and visa she knew I was serious.)  We went through customs and passport control together.  I needed some Euros, so we stopped at an ATM and then took a taxi to the center.  (We could have tried to use the public transit but I didn’t want to risk getting lost… it would have been a bad start.  On the way back to the airport and the end of the trip we did end up taking the public “RER” trains back to the airport.)
 
I had rented a flat for the two of us.  It was a little more expensive than a hotel, but I thought it would be more comfortable for us.  It would be better for us to spend some quality time together in a flat than a cramped hotel room, and we had a kitchen to cook some of our own meals.
 
Galina and I fell into a soft, easy chemistry.  Galina is a strong woman and runs a department in some kind of company, so she has a strong character.  We butted heads two notable times, but we talked about our differences and came to understand one another better.  It was a real pleasure to spend time with Galina.  Our personalities are similar: in Meyer-Briggs terms I’m an INTJ and she’s an INFJ.  She’s amazingly intuitive, and picks up on subtle changes in my mood.  We were very touchy with one another and held hands almost everywhere we went.  It was just easy and pleasurable to spend time with her and our nine days together passed quickly.
 
Since it was February, Paris wasn’t that crowded and it was easy to get around.  (Although I couple of days were unexpectedly cold.)  The flat was convenient for us and we spent some mornings and evenings just lazily cooking and talking and I’m glad I went that route instead of a hotel.
 
While I was in Paris, I considered writing a trip report.  I quickly realized that the content was just too personal for me to write on the internet.  Without really expressing the undertone of our developing relationship, it really wouldn’t be that interesting.  “We went to the Louve.  Then we went to some other museums.  We saw the Eiffel Tower.  We took a cruise on the Siene.  We saw some parks.  We went to the opera and the symphony.  The end.”
 
After I finally let go of Galina at the airport and disappeared behind passport control, I was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness.  We sent text messages back and forth while I was at the gate. (Her flight was scheduled three hours after mine).  As my flight home lifted off, I already missed her and I knew I would have to see her again…

[wicheese]

TBB,
 
One thing you wrote, I so agree with as it as proven true time and again for me:
 

A woman is like your shadow: run from her, and she follows; chase her, and she flees.

One thing I will disagree with is a somewhat loose association you seem to make between being an Alpha and a dickhead as they don't always have to be the same, especially as we age. 
 
Anyways, good to read the continuation of your story as it seems like it has potential for a happy ending...

[JR]

I hear ya 2-bit and I agree with you on all counts above form the alpha to the voters. I think our doom was written when the "unlanded" were allowed to vote. Democracies always fail for the reasons you mentioned and we are simply seeing the evolution of our own path down that slippery slope.
Nice posting.

[GQBlues]

....While I was in Paris, I considered writing a trip report.  I quickly realized that the content was just too personal for me to write on the internet.  Without really expressing the undertone of our developing relationship, it really wouldn’t be that interesting.  “We went to the Louve.  Then we went to some other museums.  We saw the Eiffel Tower.  We took a cruise on the Siene.  We saw some parks.  We went to the opera and the symphony.  The end.”...

Great T/R! 
 

After I finally let go of Galina at the airport and disappeared behind passport control, I was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness.  We sent text messages back and forth while I was at the gate. (Her flight was scheduled three hours after mine).  As my flight home lifted off, I already missed her and I knew I would have to see her again…

I can fully relate to this. '04 DMO. Nat was flying back home to Novo and I was (silly me) was scheduled on a flight to Ekaterinboorg. She was waiting in a separate waiting room than I was, and to my surprised, I was actually longing for a 'gal' (Nat). Something I never thought I was capable of feeling... 

[Gator]

Thanks for keeping us posted.  Everything sounds perfect. 
 
 

   
It really made me think, because it’s the opposite of my approach to dating in Silicon Valley.  I won’t even take a girl out to dinner until after she’s slept with me.  You can’t show even one bit of beta or you’re done.  Yet, at this point I hadn’t been intimate with Galina, yet I’ve put up about $1100.  Dating overseas changes everything, and requires different behavior.  As they say in cards: “any bet worth making is worth doubling down on.”
 

Isn't taking a risk based on your feelings far better than trying to have an man vs. woman advantage!  To be honest I believe a real man enjoys taking such risks regardless of what the "dating guidelines" may say.  It feels like old school when men were gentlemen.  Then there is of concept of salary disparity. 
   

While I was in Paris, I considered writing a trip report.  I quickly realized that the content was just too personal for me to write on the internet.  Without really expressing the undertone of our developing relationship, it really wouldn’t be that interesting.  “We went to the Louve.  Then we went to some other museums.  We saw the Eiffel Tower.  We took a cruise on the Siene.  We saw some parks.  We went to the opera and the symphony.  The end.”

Where is the:  I attempted to speak French when ordering at a restaurant, and the waiter sneered at me.   At a club I saw a Parisian singing under his breath the English  words of the music, so I introduced myself and he made an ugly face at me.   We were shopping in a crowded store and I asked an employee a question about some shoes, and she ignored me as if I had said nothing. 
 

After I finally let go of Galina at the airport and disappeared behind passport control, I was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness.  We sent text messages back and forth while I was at the gate. (Her flight was scheduled three hours after mine).  As my flight home lifted off, I already missed her and I knew I would have to see her again…

Those emotions are very real and indicative of something bigger.  Nice, huh!

[Misha]

I’ll admit that I’ve casually cut loose a number of women that would have made great wives and some that really wanted to catch me.   Whoever wrote “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” was right!

What do you mean by "casually cut loose"? It comes across to me that you were doing it a bit nonchalantly which would explain the anger of the women.




 

[Misha]

It really made me think, because it’s the opposite of my approach to dating in Silicon Valley.  I won’t even take a girl out to dinner until after she’s slept with me.  You can’t show even one bit of beta or you’re done.

If that is what being Alpha is all about, I will be quite content to be Beta 

[Jumper]

she said that there are a lot of men who talk but few act: when I started to write her more seriously and actually paid for the tickets and visa she knew I was serious

To me the initial key to many of these relationships is the man taking any sort of positive action..
the woman perhaps conditioned to assuming the worst, hoping for the best,and pleasantly surprised at *normal* actions.
Pretty simple ideal, that works the vast majority of the time  without added complexities.
 
 
The FSU could have the same monikor as Missouri.
*show me*
 
I can't think of all the times i've heard(in a good way): 
*I din't ) believe you  actually _________(insert any random positive normal action)*
 
It seems talk is incredibly inexpensive there,
and the phrase actions speak  louder than words...
taken far more to heart.

[ML]

The FSU could have the same monikor as Missouri.
*show me*
 
I can't think of all the times i've heard(in a good way): 
*I din't ) believe you  actually _________(insert any random positive normal action)*
 
It seems talk is incredibly inexpensive there,
and the phrase actions speak  louder than words...
taken far more to heart.

I can relate to this.  In one of my first 'episodes' I told a woman we would go on a trip  to another country.  She went along with it in our emails, etc. and discussed it in detail with me.

But later I found out she really didn't believe we were going to do it . . . until she actually picked up her plane ticket at the airline office in her town.

I was a little miffed about this.  My sense of . . . if I said I would do it, then I would do it.  While all the time she was disbelieving me.

But later I came to understand her mindset.  She had heard many times from the locals about where they would take her, etc., and nothing ever happened.

[Anotherkiwi]

Wow!  Although I remember reading the latest posts when they happened (as the thread started before I became a member), I've made a conscious effort over the last week (an hour at a time) to work my way through this whole amazing story.
 
It is a really fascinating tale, and hats off to TBB for a) taking the time needed to prepare for such an epic voyage and b) being able to write with such clarity, especially during the period which is the title of the thread.
 
What we need to know now is what happened with Galina (and apologies if that's covered in another thread).  Your profile still says "looking," so I'm guessing that the relationship eventually died, but I'm also sure that this story is nowhere near finished.

[Patagonie]

Thanks for keeping us posted.  Everything sounds perfect. 
 
 
Isn't taking a risk based on your feelings far better than trying to have an man vs. woman advantage!  To be honest I believe a real man enjoys taking such risks regardless of what the "dating guidelines" may say.  It feels like old school when men were gentlemen.  Then there is of concept of salary disparity. 
     
Where is the:  I attempted to speak French when ordering at a restaurant, and the waiter sneered at me.   At a club I saw a Parisian singing under his breath the English  words of the music, so I introduced myself and he made an ugly face at me.   We were shopping in a crowded store and I asked an employee a question about some shoes, and she ignored me as if I had said nothing. 
 
Those emotions are very real and indicative of something bigger.  Nice, huh!

Few french people are capable to have a fluent conversation in english. Additionnaly, in crowned places, (In Paris in particular but also in south coast and mountain skiing stations) they are rude and ignore you as customer, even when you are french. Some desserves to be kicked in the ass. Avoid to pay them in ready money as possible. Don't help them to hide the money.

[acrzybear]

I remember Paris as a city covered with dog feces and rude people, however the further I got away from Paris the friendlier the people were. 

[Chicagoguy]

My cousin is in America and married to a French man. I asked him why the French in Paris were so rude. He then asked me if I like New Yorkers and I replied "not much". He them said French citizens don't like Parisians either. He offered that maybe this is true in most countries - that people don't like the others in the big famous places.
I find this true in Russia. They are't very fond of Moscow.
 
 

[Anotherkiwi]

   with apologies to TBB, but these quotes are worth responses.
 

Few french people are capable to have a fluent conversation in english. Additionnaly, in crowned places, (In Paris in particular but also in south coast and mountain skiing stations) they are rude and ignore you as customer, even when you are french. Some desserves to be kicked in the ass. Avoid to pay them in ready money as possible. Don't help them to hide the money.

True, but then most English-speaking people can't speak French.  My only time in France was 25 years ago, when I spoke pretty good French (8 or so out of 10 - it's rusty now with lack of use), and I couldn't believe how rude Parisian service staff (waiters, barmen, etc) were.
 

I remember Paris as a city covered with dog feces and rude people, however the further I got away from Paris the friendlier the people were.

+1  I was talking to a couple of guys in Le Mans about my holiday, and asked them why Parisians were so rude to foreigners.  They told me not to worry - it wasn't personal, they treated the rest of France that way as well!
 
 

My cousin is in America and married to a French man. I asked him why the French in Paris were so rude. He then asked me if I like New Yorkers and I replied "not much". He them said French citizens don't like Parisians either. He offered that maybe this is true in most countries - that people don't like the others in the big famous places.
I find this true in Russia. They are't very fond of Moscow.

Same here, even though our total population is very small compared with other countries.  Auckland's population officially reached 1.5 million yesterday, and I'm sure that will lead to yet more snide comments about JAFAs * from the rest of New Zealand.
 
* Just another f****** Aucklander

[2tallbill]

I wanted to push this up a bit for those who want to see a totally different method of
pursuing FSUW.

I am glad somebody like Moby wasn't here to carpet bomb the thread. I haven't read
Two Bits report recently and I will reread it before making any comments.

[Sailor291]

My wife and I have been to Paris several times and always found the French to be very nice.  Never had any rude or inconsiderate behavior.  We’ve always shook our heads when others tell us of such rude behavior.  Maybe we’ve just been lucky, who knows.

[2tallbill]

There is a lot to discuss about twobits trip report.
I started a new thread to discuss it here
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=post;board=6.0

[TwoBitBandit]

Trenchcoat asked in another thread:

So what happened? Did he end up with Galina permanently in the end?

My relationship with Galina continued: somehow, she managed to get a B1 visitor visa to the United States, and she came and visited me and I also made a couple of trips back to Novosibirsk to be with her.  I had some reservations about the relationship and felt like we needed more face time together and didn't want to feel rushed by the 90-day limit of the K1 visa.

I eventually took an extended unpaid leave of absence from my job in Silicon Valley in and moved to Novosibirsk and got a long-term visa by enrolling in a long-term Russian study program.  My Russian really improved a lot.

Unfortunately, my relationship with Galina did not work out.  But in some respect, I considered it a success that I got an answer to the question of the relationship.  When I first moved to Novosibirsk, I felt certain that we would get married, and was distraught when our relationship came unglued quickly.  The reasons are complicated: I made some mistakes in the relationship, and she did too.  After some time, we decided to be friends again and kept in loose contact.

Looking back, I consider my original trip a success.  I wanted to meet a lot of women and see if a relationship would evolve from those.  A relationship did evolve, so I got what I was seeking.

I remained in Russia for a while after we split up.  I made a new circle of friends and really enjoyed my life.  I had some really crazy experiences in Russia: I think if I wrote about some of them, people on this forum would say I was full of BS.  And probably, telling the details would make some of the participants identifiable in real life, so I will keep silent.  But absolutely insane stuff really happened!  Russia is a crazy place.

I am now in a relationship with another RW living in a third country (not the USA and not Russia).

[Hammer2722]

Trenchcoat asked in another thread:
My relationship with Galina continued: somehow, she managed to get a B1 visitor visa to the United States, and she came and visited me and I also made a couple of trips back to Novosibirsk to be with her.  I had some reservations about the relationship and felt like we needed more face time together and didn't want to feel rushed by the 90-day limit of the K1 visa.

I eventually took an extended unpaid leave of absence from my job in Silicon Valley in and moved to Novosibirsk and got a long-term visa by enrolling in a long-term Russian study program.  My Russian really improved a lot.

Unfortunately, my relationship with Galina did not work out.  But in some respect, I considered it a success that I got an answer to the question of the relationship.  When I first moved to Novosibirsk, I felt certain that we would get married, and was distraught when our relationship came unglued quickly.  The reasons are complicated: I made some mistakes in the relationship, and she did too.  After some time, we decided to be friends again and kept in loose contact.

Looking back, I consider my original trip a success.  I wanted to meet a lot of women and see if a relationship would evolve from those.  A relationship did evolve, so I got what I was seeking.

I remained in Russia for a while after we split up.  I made a new circle of friends and really enjoyed my life.  I had some really crazy experiences in Russia: I think if I wrote about some of them, people on this forum would say I was full of BS.  And probably, telling the details would make some of the participants identifiable in real life, so I will keep silent.  But absolutely insane stuff really happened!  Russia is a crazy place.

I am now in a relationship with another RW living in a third country (not the USA and not Russia).

I have read your TR several times over the years TBB. I could definitely believe your stories. Its Russia. Who wouldn't?

[krimster2]

well, don't despair...
you can take the skillz you learned in rossiya and go to kazakhstan/uzbeckistan and STILL date Russian wimmin, or, my preference, the local mixed-race eurasian wimmin
think of it like breaking in a wild horse, it's more effort, true
but the end result is FAR superior to taking the easy way
and unlike Russia, your cred cards will work there!

Tashkent is not like it was back in the 90s, they have Western Hotels with flush toilettes!!!
it's really modernized, and looks nice!!

a western man, is a tender young morsel to these feral eurasian wimmin
who will get "right to business" the first time you bring them to your apartment
uzbekh girls will get naked at the drop of a hat
either in your apartment or out "in the country" skinny dipping in a lake for instance
it's normal for them
but so is hiking up their dress, squatting and taking a piss
this is why I call them feral wimmin
you gotta train 'em, if you're gonna bring one home
just sayin...

in southern Uzbeckistan, I bought local raw emeralds, in the hundreds of dollars range
cut and polished, they brought 10X that on ebay (10 good stones plus smaller ones)
mount them in Russian platinum and double the price
I was AGI certified in the "old days" now you can get AGI training and certification online, kids today , have no idea how easy they got it!
fuhgettabout workin for someone else
this is just one of a thousand ways to make your own bread "over there"
and if you make your own bread, then and only then, are you are a free man
unchained and alive
livin in pooty tang paradise
or, say no and live in incel island with all the others and try not to shoot up a school, ok?


PS, Twobit
DON'T tell them your stories!
100% they'll say you're a liar!
even though some are encouraging you
the ones who are silent will say you're lying
I KNOW...