Need advice on my situation

[Klangfilm]

Hello everybody,

Long time since I wrote on this forum or even visit this forum.
As you can read in another topic, I met a RW through Russian Pearls in Barnaul 2010/11.
Last year around this time she spend 6 weeks with me in Belgium.
She went back and 2 months later I ended the whole thing because I felt she was 'blackmailing' me on the emotional front.
Now, a year later on she's still a lot on my mind even after trying local relationship sites and using a Belgium marriage bureau to find somebody local.
What has happend is still on my mind and I would like to know if I'm correct in understanding everything what has happend.

What did I find strange ?
- She knew the Belgium laws better then I about marriage.
- She didn't want to go to a lawyer, with interpreter, for discussion about marriage contract.
- I let the marriage contract translated to Russian by a court approved translator, she said she couldn't read it.
- When we had a small argument, she was planning on leaving and go to Brussels to stay with a RW who lived in Belgium.
- She contacted this RW almost everyday.
- Finally, she agreed to the marriage contract but demanded a large sum (more than she urned in Russia) every month.
- Her moods changed very rapid.
- She dropped me and rang me 2 weeks later to patch up and started making demands again.

Is this all 'normal' behaving for a RW or am I correct in assuming she was more intrested in obtaining a visa and quick divorce later aka gold digger ?

Greetings from Belgium

[Muzh]

... or am I correct in assuming she was more intrested in obtaining a visa and quick divorce later aka gold digger ?

Greetings from Belgium

Yes.

[Faux Pas]

Now, a year later on she's still a lot on my mind even after trying local relationship sites and using a Belgium marriage bureau to find somebody local.

Why is she on your mind?

What did I find strange ?
- She knew the Belgium laws better then I about marriage.

Perhaps a bit strange but, not completely unusual

- She didn't want to go to a lawyer, with interpreter, for discussion about marriage contract.

Marriage pre-nuptial agreement?

- I let the marriage contract translated to Russian by a court approved translator, she said she couldn't read it.

Maybe, maybe not. Although hard to believe given she is so familiar with Belguim marriage law

- When we had a small argument, she was planning on leaving and go to Brussels to stay with a RW who lived in Belgium.

Beware

- She contacted this RW almost everyday.

Not unusual for any foreign national in a new country although not generally recommended

- Finally, she agreed to the marriage contract but demanded a large sum (more than she urned in Russia) every month.

What is a large sum? Large relative to what you can provide or large relative to what she previously earned? I suspect a large disparity in those two numbers? Was the "demanded" sum a fair and reasonable amount to you?

- Her moods changed very rapid.

Are you very experienced with women?

- She dropped me and rang me 2 weeks later to patch up and started making demands again.

Not cool. Don't be this woman's doormat. Did you "patch up"?

Is this all 'normal' behaving for a RW or am I correct in assuming she was more intrested in obtaining a visa and quick divorce later aka gold digger ?

Greetings from Belgium

This is not normal for a sincere RW. Something is amiss. Is she a golddigger looking for immigration? Not enough info to make a judgement but, it doesn't look good

[ECOCKS]

Why you would think this is a normal relationship after "she demanded a large sum" is beyond me?
 
 Have any of your friends ever indicated to you that they pay their wives "a large sum" every month? Do they pay pension on that payment amount?
 
 The answers to these questions, along with the feelings you expressed about her behavior, suggest you need some professional counseling since it's been a year and you are having these feelings.
 
 Please tell us you're not still in touch with this woman.

[Klangfilm]

After she  contacted me to patch up and made demands, I dropped her on the spot.
Since June last year haven't had any contact with her.
It created a lot of heartache but it was the only sensible thing to do.
Still I was thinking about the whole thing and wanted to know for sure that I was right, not paranoid.
As you can guess I have minimal experience with women let alone RW.

What she wanted was 500 € a month, she makes about 375€ in Russia.
That alone should have raised very big red flags I know but love makes blind and turns somebody into an idiot sometimes ...

It's been a expensive lesson ...

[ECOCKS]

Seriously, if you can't shake her off (your mind) consider some counseling. Even if it is in the pub with some cool-headed (and trusted) friends. Talking it our, getting validation if you're unsure isn't anything to be embarrassed about if it's nagging at you.

The lesson wasn't/isn't nearly as expensive as making a really bad decision and going 5-10-20 years further down the road.

[Eduard]

I think you did the right thing by droping her. In a normal situation when a RW genuinely likes a guy and not just his country and what he can offer her, they behave very differently.

[Faux Pas]

After she  contacted me to patch up and made demands, I dropped her on the spot.
Since June last year haven't had any contact with her.
It created a lot of heartache but it was the only sensible thing to do.
Still I was thinking about the whole thing and wanted to know for sure that I was right, not paranoid.
As you can guess I have minimal experience with women let alone RW.

What she wanted was 500 € a month, she makes about 375€ in Russia.
That alone should have raised very big red flags I know but love makes blind and turns somebody into an idiot sometimes ...

It's been a expensive lesson ...

500 euros a month for a determined amount of time isn't the lap of luxury. I take it, this was settlement in case of divorce? Or was this money to be paid to her just for marrying you? You are being vague here.

Did her behavior and treatment of you change after she arrived in your country?

Irregardless, do not contact this woman. If you are thinking a FSUW again, go for it but, leave that one alone. Don't be in such a hurry, take your time, develop a relationship that "could" lead to marriage. Not so much "Let's make a deal" business arrangement and get married. You can find a woman who will love you.

[JR]

What did I find strange ?
- She knew the Belgium laws better then I about marriage. (maybe she's smarter than you)
- She didn't want to go to a lawyer, with interpreter, for discussion about marriage contract. (would you?)
- I let the marriage contract translated to Russian by a court approved translator, she said she couldn't read it. (maybe it really was a bad translation)
- When we had a small argument, she was planning on leaving and go to Brussels to stay with a RW who lived in Belgium. (perhaps it wasn't small to her)
- She contacted this RW almost everyday. (lonely?)
- Finally, she agreed to the marriage contract but demanded a large sum (more than she urned in Russia) every month. (would she be able to work in your country, she's the one leaving the support structure, not you)
- Her moods changed very rapid. (she's a woman)
- She dropped me and rang me 2 weeks later to patch up and started making demands again. (maybe she can't stop thinking bout you too)
 
We haven't heard one word from her...but from what you've said and the way you put it I'd have walked away too.

[Klangfilm]

She wanted the 500 € a month for agreeing with the marriage contract.

Her behavior was indeed different then when I met her in Barnaul, if things didn't went as she wanted ... oh boy ...
Also was not very intrested in getting to know my parents better ...

I'm now using a Belgian marriage agency for finding somebody local (Belgian woman)after I tried Belgian datingsites with not very much luck.
They claim 50/50 chance of finding somebody through their agency.
It's not that easy though since I work very irregular hours (I'm a traindriver).

Maybe if this doesn't work out then I might start looking again for a FSUW.

[Faux Pas]

She wanted the 500 € a month for agreeing with the marriage contract.

Her behavior was indeed different then when I met her in Barnaul, if things didn't went as she wanted ... oh boy ...
Also was not very intrested in getting to know my parents better ...

Klangfilm, you were looking for a wife and she an arrangement, all seemingly in a business agreement. Be thankful you did put your foot down and end it. She would have likely divorced you by now. Ending it in divorce could have been much more damaging for you. If you have to make monthly cash payments to a woman to be your wife, it's not the wife "most" men seek. Good riddance and glad she's gone. Quit thinking about her and leave her in the past. Live and learn.

I'm now using a Belgian marriage agency for finding somebody local (Belgian woman)after I tried Belgian datingsites with not very much luck.
They claim 50/50 chance of finding somebody through their agency.
It's not that easy though since I work very irregular hours (I'm a traindriver).

Maybe if this doesn't work out then I might start looking again for a FSUW.

Try the local agency but remember, the onus is on you, as well as her, to develop a relationship with real genuine feelings for each other that can lead to marriage. This is also the hurdle in FSUW relationships. I suspect you had some idea with the previous woman and chose to ignore it. It's either there, has the possibility of being there, or it isn't. Remember, relationships have to work for both parties and to the benefit of the relationship or it isn't a relationship.

Because it originates online with a foreign or local woman does not excuse you from interacting and developing the relationship. Something your prior arrangement lacked. Unless of course you have a penchant for an insincere woman.

Good Luck!

[JR]

She wanted the 500 € a month for agreeing with the marriage contract.

Her behavior was indeed different then when I met her in Barnaul, if things didn't went as she wanted ... oh boy ...

Don't walk away....RUN!!!

[GQBlues]

....
- Her moods changed very rapid.
- She dropped me and rang me 2 weeks later to patch up and started making demands again.

Is this all 'normal' behaving for a RW or am I correct in assuming she was more intrested in obtaining a visa and quick divorce later aka gold digger ?

Greetings from Belgium

Greetings from Belgium-



When her moods changed very rapidly and she dropped you then rang you up 2 weeks later to patch up and started making demands again. You begin to wonder if this is 'normal' behavior for a RW. When you begin to wonder if this is normal for RW, you feel unhappy...




...when you feel unhappy, you go to 'happy hour'..















...when you go to happy hour, you're up for anything...


...when you're up for anything, you head for a Turkish bathhouse...

















...when you head for a Turkish bathhouse, you meet Charlie Sheen....



















...and when you meet Charlie Sheen, you re-enact scenes from 'Platoon' with Charlie Sheen from your living room...















...don't re-enact scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen from your living room.




Let her moods rapidly change and make demands with someone else. Get rid of this RW from your mind!




Dial 1-800-K-R-I-S-T-E-N and ask for Ashley Alexandra Dupre then give my regards to Eliot.

[Gator]

Klangfilm,
 
You ended this once.  You gave your reasons, and they seem valid. 
 
I guarantee there were more reasons than what you told us.  You perhaps don't even know all of the other reasons.  A lot is happening in a relationship, and your subconscious brain factors everything.  Your brain's answer was NO, and you "ended the whole thing." 
 
That experience was a litmus test.  Do not ask why the litmus paper turned red.  It was RED, and that is all you need to know.
 
Be  proud of your experience with a RW.  You have earned the equivalent of a CIB (Combat Infantryman's Badge for having engaged a hostile force on the ground), and you survived without mortal wounds.       You are young and the world is full of women.

 
 
What I advised above is based on my own experience in a situation similar to yours.  However, I did not follow my own advice.  Mistake.

[Patagonie]

You use an agency in Barnaul, did you ask advice to this agency ? If you are in good term with them you can ask. They normally know the girl.

[Klangfilm]

Thanks for all the replies.

It's indeed time to end this chapter in life and start another one.

Yes, I contacted the agency when things where not going right but got not a straightforward answer, I felt like they had brought me in contact, arranged the visa and airplane tickets and that was it as far they were concerned...
She is still on the website and on the website of Lavender's Love agency in Barnaul.
Also listed on freepersonals.ru
On Lavender's and freepersonals she is listed as divorced, on Russian Pearls as single.

[ECOCKS]

If you stick with FSUW try better websites. Elena's Models is pretty solid, just keep your Ten Commandments (from RWD) handy and radar turned on all the way up.

[BC]

Klangfilm,

Love Belgian fries.  Am in your neck of the woods fairly often.

Are you into tube amplifiers?

[Klangfilm]

@BC

I collect 35mm projectors and material from Klangfilm(Siemens & Halske).

[BC]

@BC

I collect 35mm projectors and material from Klangfilm(Siemens & Halske).

Let me know if you see any SIEMENS Klangfilm 2754 tube POWER amps EL34 PP laying around somewhere catching dust..

[GoodOlBoy]

As you can guess I have minimal experience with women let alone RW.

I got to tell you Klangfilm, straight up, IMHO Russia is NOT a good place to "sharpen" your dating skills. 
 
Stay home and date locally. 
 
Good luck.
 
GOB

[ML]

I think FSU is a great place to sharpen dating skills.

A guy can have a date with a different gal practically every day of the week for weeks on end.

For a guy with little dating experience, or none for many years because of marriage or other LT relationship, what a great place to get a lot of experience quickly.

[GoodOlBoy]

Yeah ML and I guess you would also push some poor guy who can't swim into the deep end of a pool filled with sharks (scammers). 
 
GOB

[BC]

Klangfilm,
 
You ended this once.  You gave your reasons, and they seem valid. 
 
I guarantee there were more reasons than what you told us.  You perhaps don't even know all of the other reasons.  A lot is happening in a relationship, and your subconscious brain factors everything.  Your brain's answer was NO, and you "ended the whole thing." 
 
That experience was a litmus test.  Do not ask why the litmus paper turned red.  It was RED, and that is all you need to know.
 
Be  proud of your experience with a RW.  You have earned the equivalent of a CIB (Combat Infantryman's Badge for having engaged a hostile force on the ground), and you survived without mortal wounds.       You are young and the world is full of women.

 
 
What I advised above is based on my own experience in a situation similar to yours.  However, I did not follow my own advice.  Mistake.

There is a lot of wisdom here.  I really like the 'instinct' or gut feeling part.

There is a saying about 'first impressions'...  I think Klangfilm noted something amiss but indeed has a difficult time reconciling the instinctual reaction of dropping the relationship with a continuing need for emotional attachment.

It used to be that instinct was a very strong life force and absolutely necessary for survival.  Repression of instinct as man evolves is one of the down sides.

[Eduard]

There is a lot of wisdom here.  I really like the 'instinct' or gut feeling part.

There is a saying about 'first impressions'...  I think Klangfilm noted something amiss but indeed has a difficult time reconciling the instinctual reaction of dropping the relationship with a continuing need for emotional attachment.

It used to be that instinct was a very strong life force and absolutely necessary for survival.  Repression of instinct as man evolves is one of the down sides.

yes, listening to own instinct or as I like to say your subconscious mind became an art form that one has to consciously make an effort to learn nowdays. Learning to pay attention to and interpret what your subconscious mind is telling you can greatly improve many aspects of your life and health.