Update - 13 years later

[mies]

Jan,


what made you to post this thread now, 13 years later?

Maybe, this milestone?
"Taking care of her family first and foremost, Lena waited until recently before reeducating for a high level career. As of today she is working as an auditor in the tax department of the Norwegian government."

The OP is 58 now, his wife is 58-23=35, looks young and hot, just landed good job. Can provide for the family well, disciplines herself & stays in good shape, 2 handsome boys - sons. Looks to me like a dream come true.

However, I am still fascinated by the story of his first Norwegian girlfriend. Attractive woman who became "financial director of a large corporation" at the age of roughly 26? This is something else. Too bad the OP doesn't want to post her photo. I bet she still looks great, in her 51.

[SANDRO43]

She never believed I would actually find one, and now she was curious to see what I had fallen in love with.

In my opinion however, "what" is correct for what I'm trying to tell.

Yes, if your intention was ironic , or if  "What sort of woman..." or similar was what you had originally in mind.

English grammar classifies "who/whom"as pronouns used to refer to persons, "where" to places and "what" for almost anything else.

Although a Cockney, for instance, could be expected to say "This is the bird wot I fell in luv with" . 

[cc3]

Beautiful story, beautiful couple, beautiful photos.
Thank you to share your story.

+1000

[northkape]

Why would a philosophical comment be boring Mies??
(Like your analytical mind enough to forego the conclusions.)

The human mind is considered rational in its fight for survival,
but I find it rather irrational when it comes to understanding itself in choosing its path through life.

Ranetka; 
That is a question I have been waiting for.
Not to be answered now however.


Close Mies, I'm 57, Lena is 36
Rare luck and a dream come through,,, really?
As if I had just flipped the coin.

I have no digital pictures of my first love, only a box of old slides from our adventurous days together.
On the internet however I found hundred of pages outlining every detail of her professional life as a business woman, race car driver and politician.



Funny, I found this picture I can't remember having seen before, from when we were together in 1987.
Taken inside my shop of someone unknown to me.



She became "world famous" as a race car driver.
Totally fearless, risking her life whenever necessary for winning.



And yes, she is still good looking Mies

I think Lena admires her for her achievement as I was not allowed to mention here name in the first years. Now is different however, I have a picture of them dancing together at birthday party a year ago.

Jan

[mies]

And yes, she is still good looking Mies

Not that my opinion matters in any way, but she indeed is very beautiful 

[northkape]

About learning the language.
The barrier that can make or brake your marriage.

Back in the days when writing letters, I always touched on the importance of learning the native language of your destination.
If a woman didn't have a basic foundation in English or German already, I considered it a waste of time to go forward.
In my opinion; most intelligent RW that are serious about moving to another country for marriage starts by learning a little English first.

It is among my deepest beliefs; that for an intelligent, thinking person to feel at home and flourish in a society,
he needs to master the language to absolute perfection.
Not only grammatically correct, but all the subtle nuances adding additional depth to the spoken word.
A task so easy in youth, getting increasingly harder the older you get.

From personal experience I have observed that some people can happily live their entire lives in a society
without knowing more than minuscule percentage of their language.

Me, not. Neither would I want my future wife to be isolated by language in her new country.
Truly learning a new language is a long and hard journey that will take several years,
but the only alternative for happiness in my opinion is returning to where she came from.

Through the years here at home I have seen many well educated women from FSU
working in low paid jobs far below their rank because they married a man that didn't
understand or want the burden of struggling for years perfecting his wife's new language.
Almost all of those divorced a few years later.

When I started writing with Lena her English was above basic.
During the following eight months she rose to above good in writing and on the phone.
I offered to help pay for her classes early on, but she refused.
From the first day we met, communicating was mostly painless.
Before leaving from Kiev we visited several book stores in search of Russian-Norwegian dictionaries.
She then started learning Norwegian on her own immediately after arriving here.
Later, as soon as we got her enrolled, she took classes in school.
On top of that I found a young fluent speaking female teacher from Moscow, for an additional hour or two every other evening.
Lena's first years in Norway was mostly dedicated to learning Norwegian.
And she is still learning to this day, even though her grammar now is above most native citizen.
Without mastering the language she wouldn't have been able to reeducate and kick start a new career either.
For her present position, investigating tax fraud and preparing reports to be used as evidence in court, a perfect language is an absolute requirement.
 

Dropping Lena off for her first day at the school where foreigners can learn Norwegian for free.

Later when we (my wife) planned for kids we decided to let them learn both Russian and Norwegian.
I would speak and learn them Norwegian, while Lena would speak only Russian.
On top of that we enrolled them in an English speaking kindergarten and later a private English speaking school.
It has paid off as planned, today at the age of nine they are mastering three languages fluently.
(Slightly behind in Russian as they have only one source of input.)

One of the things Lena dreamt about before coming to Norway was mountains, or rather being on top of them.
Even though she got well beaten learning to ski in her first week visiting me before we married, she asked for more.
Through the years there have been many trips with and without skis.
We even took her parents along one winter, learning them to ski as well.







To be continued

[Chicagoguy]

Thanks including all the pictures. Must be a Norweigan trait as another one does also

[mies]

About learning the language.
The barrier that can make or brake your marriage.

Northkape, you just gave is the best advice to everyone: find the woman who speaks your language or at least a common language, and help her to learn your language.
You did all the right things to help her wife adapt to life in Norway 

[Brianinaz]

Great story, I'm coming up on my fifth anniversary in a couple of months. Hope I can write something similar in another seven or eight years. Congratulations to you and your lovely wife

[Ade]

And now on the other site he admits they are getting a divorce and he's in Ukraine looking for a new wife...

[GQBlues]

And now on the other site he admits they are getting a divorce and he's in Ukraine looking for a new wife...

Don't be such a wet blanket!  Of course there are thousands (even millions) of such stories (possibly, even, your own), but very few actually get written about.  As an old-fashioned romantic, I would far rather read the occasional story like this than be constantly bombarded with doom, gloom and destruction (and that's only here on RWD)!  It's nice to see what might possibly be in my future, even without the kids.

[Muzh]

And now on the other site he admits they are getting a divorce and he's in Ukraine looking for a new wife...

Question: Is the wife "facilitating" his dates?

That was not clear.

[Gator]

And now on the other site he admits they are getting a divorce and he's in Ukraine looking for a new wife...

Too bad; it was a good story.  Nothing is constant except change.

[BillyB]

Jan,


what made you to post this thread now, 13 years later?

Ranetka; 
That is a question I have been waiting for.
Not to be answered now however.

Jan, I've seen your photos, your wife's and your ex race car driver girlfriend's years ago at another site. This is not the first time you told it but thanks for sharing your story here.

[northkape]

Billy you found the correct quote,,,,
But no, my story has only been told here, never anywhere else.
-
Of course I knew about the divorce all the time.
That was the reason for returning here and also telling the story.
-
And Ade
What is there to admit??
I never had anything to hide.
As in Billys resurrection of my quote, it was to be told later (after the fact)
We are not even separated at the moment.
-
This is what I wrote on the other site:
-
We decided to divorce last year,
So far we didn't have the time for filing the paper work so we are still married
and living together with our boys.
But Lena (my wife) bought herself an apartment in Oslo just before we left for this years vacation in Ukraine.
She is working as an auditor in the tax department of the Norwegian government.
-
Even if we are divorcing, we decided to go to Ukraine together this summer also.
Living in the apartment of her parents together with our twin boys.
I have a very good relationship with her parents even though they know that I'm looking for a new wife.
Boys are staying here for 4-5 weeks.
My primary reason for going is finding a new wife.
Also with Lena here it was very practical,
because she helped me call and make appointments with some of the women I was to meet with.
-
At the moment I'm in Odessa, but returning to Dniepodzherzhinsk in a day or two.
Lena returned to Norway yesterday.
All in all I will meet with 10-20 women during my three weeks here.
In the last six months I have been using almost every available dating site for finding a suitable replacement for my wife.
Boys stays with me so I have been looking for a woman with a child of her own.
Attaching a photo I helped my wife with for her profile on a dating site.
She still looks 29 being 36, though I would have preferred her to get older with the years also, with an age gap of 22 years.
-
And this is what I wrote there in an answer today:
-
There is no general advice when it comes to avoiding a divorce.
Wether you marry local or foreign.
-
I married a beautiful young (23) very ambitious Ukraine woman.
Highly educated, she was at the start of her career with 20 employees below her already.
Of course I knew, this was playing with fire....
Naysayers all around me gave me a maximum of 5 years.
Well, we had almost 13 great years together with no regrets.
-
Lena has become a western woman at the start of a new career, independent and with economical freedom.
You could say figuratively, that she has this insatiable desire to spread her wings and lift from the nest.
I know her very well and fully understand her.
-
What part of the divorce was related to the age gap,,,,,
We spoke of this between us, and it is of course a contributing factor.
But the age gap alone was not the reason we drifted apart.
-
I intend to marry a new woman approximately the same age as Lena.
One that is intelligent and educated with the same physical properties and looks.
(Maybe a little less ambitious this time)
In Lenas opinion, she thinks I will be able to handle it well.
-
Attached a photo from last summer in Ukraine.
Not easy to find late thirties women even here in Ukraine with such looks.
---- finished
-
-
Yes, Lena helped me call and arrange meetings for some of the women with limited Englsh.
Actually a little funny, she became so friendly with one of them that I had to go get a cup of coffee while waiting for her to finish.
Another one asked if Lena would come along as an interpreter, Lena almost fell of the chair laughing.
-
Lena is joking with me,, that I should marry too young and beautiful or not enough young and beautiful...
So to end in another divorce.....
Then the door will be open for her when she returns some 5-10 years into the future.
-
Jan

[LAman]

Northcape......
...............this comes across as if your business is trying to fill a position that became available...interviewing prospective women while that position is not vacated yet.
Sorry to hear about the divorce, it is what it is, I just hope the kids don't get caught up in any dealings with 2 future households. I wish you good luck.

[Doll]

Why Ukraine again?
 

[Anotherkiwi]

Why Ukraine again?

Because, if he had 13 happy years with the first edition, he will obviously have just as long with the second one...especially if the first one is acting as Quality Controller! 

[Faux Pas]

Because, if he had 13 happy years with the first edition, he will obviously have just as long with the second one...especially if the first one is acting as Quality Controller! 

Really? Did he have a Ukrainian ex-wife with two kids in tow meddling in the first marriage? 

[mies]

Because, if he had 13 happy years with the first edition, he will obviously have just as long with the second one...especially if the first one is acting as Quality Controller! 

Maybe it's a part of their divorce agreement. Northkape opposes divorce and uses children (for example) as a control tool, his Ukrainian wife wants out of this marriage - after all she did already buy separate apartment for herself, so in her mind divorce decision is final.
Northkape feels nettled that the for the second time woman leaves him. He needs reassurance that he is great and can still feel good about himself. He chooses the position of denial (by telling on the forum about his ever strong 13yo marriage with beautiful young wife and two handsome kids), and then tells that although there are talks about divorce - the papers weren't filed because both he and his wife have no time for this (most likely he keeps procrastinating while his wife is trying to initiate the divorce), and that maybe they won't get divorced.

Most likely his Ukrainian wife agreed to assist him in finding a new wife because she hopes that when he will find a good "replacement"/new toy - he will let her out of the marriage and will become more cooperative, that it will become in his interest too to get a divorce, while at the moment he opposes to this.

Honestly, I am not surprised by the news. I am surprised that the young, ambitious and potent woman spent 13  years in the shadow of the OPs ex, was constantly compared to the ex, and presented to the ex for bragging and used as a tool of romantic revenge. Most likely she was held back by the role of mom and raising 2 twin boys. Hence it took her longer to become independent. I also think that she wasn't planning to use Northkape as a mule, and their relationship had good potential, but over time her eyes became open and she became fed up with the role Northkape had identified for her.

Northkape, with all due respect - if you want your new relationship to last - treat  your woman with respect, and find a woman with similar life interests and energy level to yours. Find a woman of your age, similar life outlook, someone stable, someone with same view of the future, and stop comparing women to your Norwegian ex. That relationship is over. No need to bring it into your new relationships.

[Doll]

Are you kidding, Mies?
To go to Ukraine AGAIN and bring a woman of his age?
You're funny.

[Ranetka]

Are you kidding, Mies?
To go to Ukraine AGAIN and bring a woman of his age?
You're funny.

We should expect another thread with more pictures as a proof he can still pull.

[Doll]

Mies, want another " detail"? After 13 happy years (I believe him), after 2 years  or more (he said" all the time") of thinking of a divorce, WHILE living with his wife WITHOUT being divorced Northkape is looking for another Ukrainian woman (see his OP).
Дорогая редакция! 

[The Natural]

So any way you cut it, men are pigs, right? I read his story, but don't feel I'm in any position to make judgements as some here feel very qualified to do. However, I don't understand why anyone would put themselves under such fire, which anyone who has spent some time on this site should know, surely will follow.
Entertaining story though and great photos. Hope all goes well with the both of them and most of all, the twins.

[Doll]

So any way you cut it, men are pigs, right?    .

You said it.