Forum issues

[Bee Farmer]

However, I am wondering what is the difference between women one can meet on a tour and women one can meet at a bar or nightclub in your home town.

The women attending the tour know in advance the men they will be meeting are [rich] foreigners who can offer them a much higher standard of living than they are accustomed to.

The women at a bar or club are not going to expect that every man they meet can offer them a much higher standard of living. 

IIRC, before the war, the average net worth of a Ukrainian was something like $1800.

Sure they would  like to find a man who can provide them with the financial security they would like to have, but I doubt many of them are thinking in terms of finding a really wealthy man.

The Ukrainian girls on the tours know that the men they meet will earn as much in a week or two, as they have acquired in their whole life.

Think about an American girl going to a bar or club who has a net worth of $50,000...and her going to a bar or club when every man she will meet earns $1.3-$2.6 million a year, or maybe more.  Finding true love may be great, but most women will put up with a lot of crap from a man who earns over a million dollars a year.  They might even move to another country and be with a man who they can barely talk to.

That is why Ukrainians view American men as a walking lottery ticket.

At most, I presume they were thinking . . . if he has money to travel and stay here for extended periods of time . . . then he probably is not poor.

Have you considered that your idea of not poor (a guy making $50,000-$100,000 a year) is in her eyes, so wealthy that he earns as much as her net worth every week or two?  Imagine how an American woman would act towards a guy who earned a million a year - it doesn't matter if the guy earns a million a year, or 50 million a year.  It's a winning lottery ticket all the same.

[Trenchcoat]

Trench, why would any guy on a tour realistically hope to find anything other than girls looking for money?

The guys pay money to meet girls.  The tour guides try to tell the men they can meet women who will fall in love with them for who they are in 2 minutes.  It doesn't matter that there is a language and culture barrier.  The moment the guy is paying money to meet women, it becomes a transactional arrangement.  The guy isn't looking to build love - he is trying to buy it.

The women are not attending the socials with the expectation of falling in love with a man who speaks a different language.  They attend the socials in order to meet wealthy (compared to the women) men.  The women are willing to try to find a way to overcome language and culture barriers, in order to have a relationship with a rich man.

Is it possible for feelings to develop?  Yes.  But feelings are not what brought the people together.  It was all about money, and all about a transactional relationship.
If you're rich enough, the relationship can last, assuming the guy doesn't run out of money.  If he runs out of money before they develop deep feelings, the relationship ends.  But odds are, the relationship won't last if the guy runs out of money.
Anyone who thinks otherwise is just fooling themselves.

It varies I think is the answer as to why the girls are there. For instance some girls just turn up to have a party, they aren't that bothered with the guys and usually don't pay the guts much attention is the impression I get. Sure they will probably be nice enough if a guy comes over/with the terp. Many of those girls though if a guy happens to turn up that they feel attracted to and if they are single will then go with that guy. It's like 2tallbill says that a girl will follow a guy anywhere if she is into him and that I believe from what I have seen is very true.

Think of it l, you're a girl living in a sh*thole concrete block apartment. It may have been modernised a bit but as we have discussed it's accommodation is often cramped. You're a girl who works in a regular day to day job, it pays it's way and you get by ok but it's not living and nowhere near enough to be in the frame to by one if those new build more pleasant apartments that some Ukrainians can afford our there.

So, you go along to the free parties that AFA etc hold as a bit of easy entertainment. You're not particularly bothered about the 'old farts' that you've heard these events are synonymous with. Then while at one such events your normal disinterest is taken over by sudden attraction to one of the 'old farts' who just seems to have a pull for you and all of a sudden his being a bit older isn't such a big deal to you as you just feel a strong attraction and liking to him. So you get talking and the more you find out the more you like and vice versa. The guy having experience in life now comes over as a big advantage. This a a guy you can rely on and won't be a rudderless ship with no bearing or idea about how to go about things or likely results as many a young guy will be. What's more you realise that to the guys that are left around locally this guy stacks up well. He comes from a country that has better welfare support, a better economy, better housing (usually) and an altogether more comfortable lifestyle. You as the girl has grown bored of the same old same locally and a life going nowhere, the idea of moving somewhere new and exciting abroad has become enticing....

You see how it can work Beefarmer? Sure that's a good news situation but it can happen there and does so. It happened to two guys on the 2014 'Love Me' documentary, and from what I last saw both of them were still in their relationship and it was all legit, etc.

There wil of course be some girls who are scammers but you can get them on online dating sites also. You will get some girls who have an interest in getting with a guy with money or a guy who is just better overall than the local guts who are left, etc. Sure a girl who is after a guy with money may not be a good relationship to get into, some guys may make a go of it and don't mind, others it's a bad move to make and dooms them to a bad outcome. It's really up to you what you wish to accept or reject from what is put in front of you, but I wouldn't say they will all be bad girls after a guy with money. The flashy looking girls are hard to avert your eyes from in some cases though not all may be bad girls many likely are. However, if you look at the girls in the Tour videos, Love Me Documentary there are often many girls quietly sitting in the background that are more down to earth looking, likely just there to fill in with something to go to in the evening in an otherwise largely dull evening schedule and they I would wager would be the ones to put yourself in front off. More the pullover girl than the party girl.

Unless you get out there and get meeting these girls in real life you won't get to see the differences between them the way a not so good girl acts to a good girl and won't find your way to a girl who is naturally attracted to you for being you and not for some other reason such as money.

[Trenchcoat]

Put it this way Beefarmer, as I've learned over in the FSU there is very likely, highly likely far more likely than in the West to be your counterpart. Your counterpart will be quite likely be there like you may be tonight feeling lonely, depressed about her situation of being single or possibly content enough but not really having the life she dreamed off, with her other half, possibly children, etc. She's in the same boat as you are. If you met you would realise that you are the answer to each other's problems in life and would find happiness in being with each other. The only thing separating you is distance and a will to get on the internet and keep communicating with each other until you find each others, on Fdate, or whatever site or tour (when available) is taking place. I met my girl on Fdate, no guarantee that it will work out for certain but the signs are good. But I accept that you could meet a good girl from the FSU in many places even on tours. Tours probably have a higher number of Scammers potentially I would guess, a bit like swimming in the local river where some piranha's swim they will rush towards a feed if they see it in their vicinity. However, you will also get a lot of other fish swimming there that are normal everyday fish. If you're swimming among them then tours serve to put you right in front of their eyesight also. You're no longer a perhaps awkward looking photo online but a 3D real life person of potentially a lot more attractive proposition than a dry online dating profile. So being there in the moment I wouldn't knock. If you just turn up and enjoy oggling the women and having a bit of fun then it's not a bad deal in itself I think necessarily.

[Bee Farmer]

Think of it l, you're a girl living in a sh*thole concrete block apartment. It may have been modernised a bit but as we have discussed it's accommodation is often cramped. You're a girl who works in a regular day to day job, it pays it's way and you get by ok but it's not living and nowhere near enough to be in the frame to by one if those new build more pleasant apartments that some Ukrainians can afford our there.

So, you go along to the free parties that AFA etc hold as a bit of easy entertainment.

Easy entertainment? Zero chance.  None.  That mentality is totally delusional.  The women attend the tour socials for one reason, and one reason only.

They are going because they know all the men they will meet are the equivalent of millionaires.  Every man is a walking lottery ticket to the girls.

You're not particularly bothered about the 'old farts' that you've heard these events are synonymous with. Then while at one such events your normal disinterest is taken over by sudden attraction to one of the 'old farts' who just seems to have a pull for you and all of a sudden his being a bit older isn't such a big deal to you as you just feel a strong attraction and liking to him.

You don't care if he's old, because you know he is extremely wealthy.

Why do you think 27 year old Anna Nicole Smith married 89 year old billionaire J. Howard Marshall?  She denied marrying him for money. 
But when he died 1 year later, she went to court to get half of his estate.

He comes from a country that has better welfare support,

Girls don't care about welfare support, as they have no intention of needing welfare.  The guy is supposed to be so rich that there would never be a reason to get welfare.

If you think a girl cares about the level of welfare support in your country, it means you are looking for a girl who is looking for a mule.  She will only be using you to get into your country, and then she will kick you to the curb.

You as the girl has grown bored of the same old same locally and a life going nowhere, the idea of moving somewhere new and exciting abroad has become enticing....

No, the girl is sick and tired of living in poverty, and a man looks a lot better when he is a millionaire.  So she asks herself, is she willing to leave family and friends behind, and try to start a new life in another country with a strange man?  How much money will it take?  What is her price?  That is what she asks herself.

but I wouldn't say they will all be bad girls after a guy with money.

Every single one is expecting a guy to have money.  These girls wouldn't give a foreign man the time of day if he was poor.  They can find a poor man in their own neighborhood.  They don't have to leave friends, family, and the life they have.  The poor local man will be from the same culture, and speak the same language?  Why would she want a poor man from a different country with a different culture who speaks a different language?

Unless you get out there and get meeting these girls in real life you won't get to see the differences between them the way a not so good girl acts to a good girl and won't find your way to a girl who is naturally attracted to you for being you and not for some other reason such as money.

A good girl will be very, very reluctant to get involved with a foreign man.  She knows he is from a different culture, speaks a different language, she barely knows him, and she will have to leave family and friends.  But the allure of a life with more financial security...

The not so good girls sell themselves much cheaper.  Rich foreign guy?  Sold.

[Bee Farmer]

Put it this way Beefarmer, as I've learned over in the FSU there is very likely, highly likely far more likely than in the West to be your counterpart.

More likely to be your counterpart? You honestly believe that?

Different language, different culture, you barely know each other.  She will have to leave family and friends.
As opposed to a local girl?

Your counterpart will be quite likely be there like you may be tonight feeling lonely, depressed about her situation of being single

Maybe that's your idea of a counterpart.  My idea of a counterpart is not a girl who is lonely and depressed about being single.  That reeks of desperation.

If you met you would realise that you are the answer to each other's problems in life

Nobody is the answer to your problems in life.  At best, they will be a helping hand as you deal with life's problems.  But they aren't going to solve your problems for you, and you aren't going to be the solution to their problems.

You sound like you are suffering from White Knight Syndrome and looking for a codependent rescuer syndrome.

If you just turn up and enjoy oggling the women and having a bit of fun then it's not a bad deal in itself I think necessarily.

 

Yeah, that's the way to win a girl's heart.  Show up and ogle all the women.  That'll charm the panties right off them.  You should practice ogling the local ladies to perfect your technique.

[ML]

As I have written about here before . . . a relationship that could be viewed as transactional can turn into mutually beneficial companionship and then into true love.

The story of my wife and I is a good example of this.

She had a fairly large sum of money by Ukrainian standards and wanted to come to USA to get a masters degree.  She knew that I was a safe person to be with and that I could provide her a safe place to live.  Don't really know if she also thought of how I could help her with improving her English, navigating academia, etc.

We both soon realized that we were highly compatible . . . even with a few normal bumps along the way.

Currently she really doesn't need me at all for anything.  She has a PhD in mathematics and a fairly  stable position in academia, and she owns multiple properties in 3 countries.  We have a significant age difference and she could readily attract much younger men.

Just now we were talking on the phone while she is waiting to change planes to make the trip to Ireland to visit with family that are refugees from the terrorist Russian invasion.  She will only be gone for 9 days and then will return to USA to resume her calculus teaching duties at the University.

She was telling me how she was already missing me and thinking about how much she really needs me in her life. 
She said: I am about ready to cry. 
I said: Me too.

[Boethius]

The last chick I was seeing was 29 (now 30). Many of my friends who I socialise with are in their 30s. The culture is vastly different from a generation (or two) earlier. If you're dating Betty or Bob in the senior citizens home then granted the advice on this forum would be more useful. I also don't think anything I posted was invalidated.

I don't believe humans have adapted well to technological development since the commercialization of the Internet. In some respects it is diabolical.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all!

First I hope you had a good Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and others!

Second, no matter what age the women you are bedding are, it doesn't make you that age.  You're no spring chicken.

I know youth trends because of my children (mine are in their twenties now, but all Generation Z).  But that doesn't make me a part of their cohort.  Personally, I don't think the "how" is particularly relevant, nor does, or has, the forum provided advice on this in the past, beyond "this site is a scam, this one is safe".  But even "safe" sites have scammers.  Typically, common sense will tell you if something is too good to be true, though men, in general, exhibiting common sense when it comes to getting laid is exceptionally uncommon.

I think humans have adapted to technology.  But I also believe it tends to bring out the worst in people.  I think that it has changed social interactions for the negative, in a way that has moved beyond the internet to real life interactions.  It's also given loonies a sounding board, because no matter what crazy theory one may hold, you can always find someone online who will ascribe to it.

[Trenchcoat]

More likely to be your counterpart? You honestly believe that?

Different language, different culture, you barely know each other.  She will have to leave family and friends.
As opposed to a local girl?

Maybe that's your idea of a counterpart.  My idea of a counterpart is not a girl who is lonely and depressed about being single.  That reeks of desperation.

Nobody is the answer to your problems in life.  At best, they will be a helping hand as you deal with life's problems.  But they aren't going to solve your problems for you, and you aren't going to be the solution to their problems.

You sound like you are suffering from White Knight Syndrome and looking for a codependent rescuer syndrome.
 

Yeah, that's the way to win a girl's heart.  Show up and ogle all the women.  That'll charm the panties right off them.  You should practice ogling the local ladies to perfect your technique.

Bee Farmer look for Ukrainian Refugee girls Get your rear on Fdate and search in there. Even put it in your profile that you are searching for a 'Ukrainian Girl already living in the US' you won't have to leave the US to go visit one which I get the impression you are not so keen on and odds are she has already left her family etc to find refuge in the US.

Most Ukrainian girls speak English these days with English speaking having improved a lot since Maidan. In any case yes she can get your counterpart in personality, character even some interests or similar interests to your field even if her language and culture are different. A girl that is into you will make it easy for you and won't put barriers in the way. Get messaging real girls on Fdate now, get some decent photos of yourself done with use if a professional photographer, do a nice little write up briefly stating who you are, what you are looking for (in brief) and that you are liking for a Ukrainian girl already in the US. That will make it EASY for you. Within a short space of time you could be happily visiting your girl in the US, hell she might even live not all that far from you or be willing to relocate to your State/County/Home Bedroom

These girls want a real relationship with a US guy and prefer to do so with one that is open to Ukrainian women and knows a bit about the Ukraine scene. Not many US guys are and that is your big advantage. Even on Fdate apart from the top hottest model girls most girls just get guys who aren't that interested, move onto talking to other girls, keyboard Romeo's, Krackpots, etc. You hang in there with the right girl, show you are serious and set up a meeting to meet the girl and your streets ahead of any other guy. Then it's down to just whether you like each other enough on the meet, if you do you're all sorted. It worked for me!

[Bee Farmer]

Bee Farmer look for Ukrainian Refugee girls Get your rear on Fdate and search in there. Even put it in your profile that you are searching for a 'Ukrainian Girl already living in the US' you won't have to leave the US to go visit one which I get the impression you are not so keen on and odds are she has already left her family etc to find refuge in the US.

What's wrong with continuing to talk to the girl I have been talking with?  She's not looking to escape Ukraine.  Neither of us have a burning desire for marriage in the near future.  It's working for us.  We've met face to face before.  Yes, the war has complicated things, but it works for us, so why look elsewhere?

Have you considered that marriage is not the highest priority in other people's lives?  Maybe it is in yours, but not everyone is like you.

I understand that the main value a marriage would bring into my life...sex and domestic stuff like cooking and cleaning.  And a guy that gets married just to get sex and someone to cook and clean for him...that's not a very solid foundation for marriage.  And if the only thing I offer is economic security for the girl...that's not a very solid foundation either.  I'm past the age of having kids and creating a home to raise a family, and that's the main reason for marriage.  Without that, what's left?
You have to build a strong friendship, and that takes a long time...years.

[Trenchcoat]

What's wrong with continuing to talk to the girl I have been talking with?  She's not looking to escape Ukraine.  Neither of us have a burning desire for marriage in the near future.  It's working for us.  We've met face to face before.  Yes, the war has complicated things, but it works for us, so why look elsewhere?

Have you considered that marriage is not the highest priority in other people's lives?  Maybe it is in yours, but not everyone is like you.

I understand that the main value a marriage would bring into my life...sex and domestic stuff like cooking and cleaning.  And a guy that gets married just to get sex and someone to cook and clean for him...that's not a very solid foundation for marriage.  And if the only thing I offer is economic security for the girl...that's not a very solid foundation either.  I'm past the age of having kids and creating a home to raise a family, and that's the main reason for marriage.  Without that, what's left?
You have to build a strong friendship, and that takes a long time...years.

You have a penpal, she has a penpal, that's all it is.

There's only so long after a first meet, second, meet, third meet, etc that a relationship turns into a penpal if there is no further meeting planned to stop it turning into a penpal.

Imagine if I got chatty with a foreign  student in High School and we agreed to stay in contact with each other by writing to each other. Imagine if that had happened ever since. It would not be any sort of real friendship there just a penpal.

I personally don't like the idea of a penpal, it is kind of like a sad emotional crutch that people rely upon. It's ok to write to someone say on a forum on a casual basis but the idea of a formal 'we write back & forth to one another in a kind of agreed form and see it as a relationship' is kind of fooling oneself & each other.

There is no relationship there penpal is a kind of emotionally infantile way of ones mind laying claim to the notion of a relationship that isn't really present. Does that person ever 'really' want to see you or see you again? Do you ever 'really' want to see that person, or person again?

Or are one or both of you not 'really' wanting that but want the emotional crutch of a relationship that just isn't?

If you said tommorow that you were going to go see her, would you 'really' want to go? Would she 'really' want to see you?

Sex can happen inside or out of Marriage it's not so much if an issue.

The issue is can you find someone compatible enough that you enjoy their time and they enjoy your time to want to be with each other regularly. That's got to be a whole lot better than a penpal crutch yourself along sort of non relationship, sad man's journal type of affair.

You can get yourself a life right now Beefarmer! You can set up a profile pretty speedily on Fdate, write to many different ladies, before long some will start chiming with you. Set out to find a Ukrainian that is already in the US, there are very many now and none of them are wanting to return home the state Ukraine is in. You can be walking along side a Ukrainian girl within a matter of days to weeks without having to go on any lengthy journey. You can choose whether to have kids or not, perhaps she is in her early thirties so lessening the issue if you being older and how long your health might hold out? Many guys live to their 70s, 80s even 90s so you are not necessarily too old as you think you may be.

Do you still want to be penpaling it through the next few potentially the next few decades of your life having a half life or a real life?

[Bee Farmer]

The issue is can you find someone compatible enough that you enjoy their time and they enjoy your time to want to be with each other regularly.

What's the definition of "regularly?"

You assume that everyone wants a dependent or codependent partner who will be stuck up their butt all the time.  I don't.  She doesn't.

We both understand that things right now are in a holding pattern because of the war.  We both enjoy the friendship right now, and future plans are dependent upon "if she is still alive after the war." 

You can get yourself a life right now Beefarmer! You can set up a profile pretty speedily on Fdate, write to many different ladies, before long some will start chiming with you. Set out to find a Ukrainian that is already in the US, there are very many now and none of them are wanting to return home the state Ukraine is in. You can be walking along side a Ukrainian girl within a matter of days to weeks without having to go on any lengthy journey. You can choose whether to have kids or not, perhaps she is in her early thirties so lessening the issue if you being older and how long your health might hold out? Many guys live to their 70s, 80s even 90s so you are not necessarily too old as you think you may be.

You assume this is what I want.  What you have described does NOT sound appealing to me.

It is pure foolishness (if not downright stupidity) for anyone over the age of 35 to have children.

I have never had the desire to have children.  I'm in my mid-40's, and think that I can safely say that I will never have kids.

[ML]

. . . a dependent or codependent partner who will be stuck up their butt all the time. 

WOW . . . how does that work ?

[Bee Farmer]

WOW . . . how does that work ?

As Trench has described it, it involves a beautiful girl who desperately wants to live in poverty to be with you, who wants to have lots of babies you can't afford, and who is unable to do anything for themselves so they will be completely dependent on you.

That, and a whole lot of lube.

[Trenchcoat]

What's the definition of "regularly?"

You assume that everyone wants a dependent or codependent partner who will be stuck up their butt all the time.  I don't.  She doesn't.

We both understand that things right now are in a holding pattern because of the war.  We both enjoy the friendship right now, and future plans are dependent upon "if she is still alive after the war." 

You assume this is what I want.  What you have described does NOT sound appealing to me.

It is pure foolishness (if not downright stupidity) for anyone over the age of 35 to have children.

I have never had the desire to have children.  I'm in my mid-40's, and think that I can safely say that I will never have kids.

Beefarmer, I will try to say this as clearly as I can, 'You have No Relationship here, none, nothing'

You saw each other once and decided that it's not worth seeing each other again just writing silly messages to each other. If you wanted to be with each other you would be.

Throw away that crutch you are leaning upon and get a real relationship in the here and now. It's Easy!!!

It's Easier than it has EVER been for you to get a Ukrainian woman in your home country. Stuff the Penpal.

At the moment there are hundreds of thousands of Ukrainian women in the US, the UK and the EU.

Many are wanting a real relationship with a guy and are just waiting for a guy to show up. Literally all you have to do is show up with some of them and you can get straight into a LTR. It can be that easy, way easier than it ever was going over to Ukraine to do it.

Why really have any sort of stuff going on out there when you can get a real thing going here. You think Soilder Girl would bother with you if a load of hot western guys suddenly flooded into Ukraine. No, girls who aren't in a committed relationship would drop you like hot coal and go get one of those guys.

Ukrainian girls in the US are wide open to you. Many guys don't realise that they don't/can't return home ever since the much vaunted counter offensive failed. Their whole attitude has changed as a result of that. They are now accepting of their present situation and making a go of it where they are. You've just got to be there for them, that's all you've got to do. Sign up in Fdate and you'll find them.

Or do you want to penpal it for the rest of the war, she either die, goes of with another guy or just ditches you. Her interest isn't there in you, you are wasting time with her and going to miss out in the opportunity literally all around you. Once the war is over those Ukrainian girls around you will probably move on, your chance wasted.

Even guys in their 50s have children, don't sweat it, do whatever you want to and are comfortable with, but I would say at least get a real relationship.

[Bee Farmer]

You can set up a profile pretty speedily on Fdate, write to many different ladies, before long some will start chiming with you. Set out to find a Ukrainian that is already in the US, there are very many now and none of them are wanting to return home the state Ukraine is in.

Just for kicks, I checked out Fdate.  I did a search of women 8 years or less than me, never married, no kids, and within my preferred height and weight range.  Guess how many women there were in the search results?

One.  That's it.  And she only had one photo that was blurry.

So I did a search on Fdate of girls in Ukraine meeting the same metrics.  Guess how many women were in the search results? 28. (Only 17 if I required them to know some English.)  None of those piqued my interest.

It's Easier than it has EVER been for you to get a Ukrainian woman in your home country. Stuff the Penpal.

At the moment there are hundreds of thousands of Ukrainian women in the US, the UK and the EU.

No, there are not.  There are lot of Ukrainian women in the UK and the EU.  There are very few in the US.

[Trenchcoat]

Just for kicks, I checked out Fdate.  I did a search of women 8 years or less than me, never married, no kids, and within my preferred height and weight range.  Guess how many women there were in the search results?

One.  That's it.  And she only had one photo that was blurry.

So I did a search on Fdate of girls in Ukraine meeting the same metrics.  Guess how many women were in the search results? 28. (Only 17 if I required them to know some English.)  None of those piqued my interest.

No, there are not.  There are lot of Ukrainian women in the UK and the EU.  There are very few in the US.

Good you were open enough to look Beefarmer.

I would say that it's possible to go for someone over 8 years younger than you. I know some people get concerned over scammers and being realistic but a lot of that relates more to women that are in their early to mid twenties or younger. That's not to say it's not possible to find a girl in that age group that would genuinely go with a much older man but it's a harder find. The early to mid twenties age group or younger tends to be very vibrant in most countries. So unless the girl has real issues dating for whatever reason then that can be a difficult age group for older guys to date in and better left alone.

However, a lot of girls in their late twenties and into their thirties are often very available and genuine. That's not to say the odd bad egg may crop up but most are genuine and available. Sone are looking for someone specific and you may or may not fit their idea of the man they want. A lot from places like Ukraine just want a solid guy who isn't going to use them for sex as a bit on the side but wants a permanent relationship, some want children some don't. Out in Ukraine girls near or in their thirties tend to want a guy who is ready to be in a stable relationship with them. Guys in their forties they know can't pick a girl up every day of the week and don't tend to want girls of a similar age - so they see guys that are older as the solid non player types they want, plus they may be more set up financially.

So I wouldn't write off going for girls a bit younger. Especially at the moment as the way things are out there a stable guy is a steady ship in rocky waters

[Daveman]

...

So, even as I wasn't dating them, I was extremely at ease with women.

- - - - - -

This.. Right there.. Cannot possibly be overemphasized.  That's like the key which opens the palace.