I started this new thread so comments are not lost in my original thread in Married Section.
I have copied most of the previous relevant comments here as a starting point.
Others can copy more here and pictures they posted if they want.
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My young Belorussian friend and I did fall colors photo shoot this weekend.
OK fixed the photo sizes.
We did this so she has photos for her dating profile.
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do you haz bikini photos????
don't be shy...
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Yeah my friend and I are going to a spa next week for her 33 rd birthday, so we might take some.
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Olga, 'Little black dress' always a classic, but you must 'up the game' for a dating profile.
http://www.amazon.com/Mokoru-Bodycon-Sleeveless-Dresses-X-Small/dp/B0CRYFCLDC?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A3NKAJ0UR1X5SI- - - - - - -
For my friend, Lena, I basically MADE her buy this dress and several others! She doesn't have any dating profile photos in a dress or skirts
She doesn't own any high heel shoes either! So for this photoshoot she wore combat boots LOL.
I have a different size shoe so I couldn't lend her any of mine
I told her that her normal athletic/outdoorsy look is perfectly fine if she just wants to meet her equal, but if she wants a guy making much more and of course 6 feet high and up and fit and below 40, she needs a more feminine looking photos I think
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we need to go shopping again, shoes are a priority now.
my friend already spent at least 1K
nice dress!
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ML is right while the black dress and black tights combination is a good one to go for that will likely have broad appeal the dress is a bit too conservative. It's not real bad or anything but not as good as it could be with a shorter more revealing dress. I think one of the work mistakes a woman can make and many women do this in their thirties is go too conservative too soon. Most women in their thirties can still look pretty decent in body form if they keep a reasonable diet, so there is no need to go for a dress that covers more unless a woman is fairly old or let herself go a bit at a younger age.
The boots in my opinion also need to go in favour of more ladylike black shoes, something simple is fine and even flats are ok though some guys have a preference for women in high heels maybe even a fetish even. I do not so flats or high heels are fine with me so long as they look reasonable feminine/elegant. I don't know I just find that some younger women these days just tend to have the idea that they can dress bad and still hook the guy they want. It's kind of ridiculous as the guy of course wants something too and that is usually in the wanting a hot feminine looking woman department. I am kind of shocked that your friend was trying to hook guys online without any dress or skirts photos in my opinion they are what guys most want to see, bikini photos also.
That in itself brings in a slight problem and one I came across when I was on Fdate. There were some girls who never really wore dresses & skirts but only did so for a photo shoot. Even if some non dresses & skirts photos are included it can be a little misleading if the girl turns up in anything other and only wears anything other as it's not lining up what a guy wants with what a girl really is and the guy can feel duped and/or disappointed.
Essentially the attire doesn't really have to cost a lot but to appeal to most men it needs to be the right style. Men are often less bothered with cost of clothing and more about how the stuff if clothing looks in my opinion. Of course cheap Supermarket clothing is probably going too far though.
Anyway, unfortunately I come to a much bigger problem for your friend Olga. Lena is ok looking but I would say she is everyday looking, average looking rather than above average/model looking. Most people are average everyday looking so nothing to be ashamed off and we don't get a choice in it anyway. However if she is looking to bag a wealthy guy earning $150k or more they are likely to go for the more pretty girls. I personally think she is shooting out of her league and isn't grounded enough to reality. I'm not saying it's impossible just probably very unlikely, never say never as they say. I mean if the guy is socially inept, or a bit unattractive looking or has bad character traits and earns $150k then who knows. If Lena has good character traits over some pretty girl who may strays who knows. However I think she is likely over pricing herself and not in tune with what the market place can realistically garner for her. If she is on the materialistic side that can put of guys also, as can high expectations of what she wants in a man, particularly if she expects a wealthy man, that can be like a repellant to men.
If in doubt about her looks the Photofeeler online website is a good one to use to check on looks. You can upload dating profile photos and male users rate them, then a computer algorithm is used to adjust for erroneous responses, it's pretty accurate I find. My guess is your friend might score between a 5 to a 6 out of 10. That is generally an everyday average looking person score. Most pretty girls will consistently score around the 7 to 8 range for comparison. I have been with at least a couple of pretty girls so have the priveledge of knowing the terrain
Also the art of showing of the right amount of breast in the right way is a good one for your friend to try to master
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Well this is what my friend is saying that she normally doesn't wear dresses or skirts or feminine shoes so the photos will be misleading. Some of the dresses she bought are more revealing.
But need shoes.
SO my response is then START wearing dresses, skirts, nice shoes or sandals etc.
We will see.
I think going to dates in jeans is not a good idea
BTW 150K is by no means wealthy at all! Any engineer will make this much with programmwers with few years of experience usually making over 200K even if they work for regular companies not high flyers with huge stock grants.
Photofeeler is a good idea I will let her know. And I guess we will see whom she can attract, she IS getting dates she just drops the men because of no sexual attraction or because they are not paying for everting and not taking initiative in planning all the outings. Recently she stopped dating a guy because he was Romanian LOL even though he is in US for 10+ years and is successful and tall.
I honestly tink she is much cuter than 5
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I agree going to dates in jeans is not a good idea and if your friend can take to wearing dresses & skirts then that will be better. It will have a lot better appeal with men I think. Really while women have kind of put across the idea that is ok for women to wear jeans it's not really a winner with most men or what they really want to see, men will generally accept it but rarely jeans do anything extra for them, tight fitting ones aren't bad if a woman is in shape and girls that are very pretty will look good in virtually anything of course, but did most women they aren't usually the best move.
I think as a girl gets past her teen years, even twenties it's better to move on from that kind of casual sometimes depending on style almost sloppy gear especially as you say if looking for a wealthy man they are likely to want to see it even less.
If you'd friend is into sport then I do wonder if she might be more content giving up on chasing wealthy men and going for men that are into the sane thing as she is and to hell with where they live and what accomodation they are in. A room at the end of the day is a room it's somewhere to live in, it will function much like any other room.
I remember what my form Tutor in High School once told the class, he advised to, 'find someone like you' and I think that's pretty good advice. Doesn't have to be exactly the same but being with a person who is generally like you can help I think.
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again 150K-170K is BY FAR not wealthy around here! It's just a normal experienced professional salary, and it didn't come out of nowhere, this is literally THE salary required to purchase a small modest house in our area on a single icome!
Without making at least 150K a man can not be a provider with wife staying at home! Unless of course he bought his
house 10+ years ago! But then he is too old for her!
But You are right! She CAN find her equal to go hiking, skiing, SUP, gym whatever with, and then if she keeps working they can together afford a house, and for this she doesn't need to dress up or anything
A guy in his mid 30s without kids who is a good provider does have options though and normally in my experience
working with high earning men (not 150K much higher
) these do tend to marry younger women 25-28.
And yes You need to look more faminine and be in a sense a traditional woman if You want to attract a traditional
guy who is willing to take a financial responsibility for a woman.
And I agree already in Your 20s You need to stop dressing like a teenager. Well You don't NEED to, this day and age
a woman can do whatever the hell she wants, my own daughter has always been a tomboy, played with cars and trains,
hated princesses and hated wearing dresses and color pink! Even though I always dressed very feminine as she was growing
up, sometimes it's just a child's personality! But hey she doesn't want a traditional guy to support her either, she is studying
computer science 3rd year, so she can dress whatever way she wants really. Luckily she is naturally slim and is fit/healthy. Same for my friend! I am the last person
to dictate how a woman should dress
And in case of my friend my concern is only dictated by what her requirements
are for a spouse and the fact that she will be 33 already next week and wants children!
As far as shoes I have always preferred heels as they make Your legs look much longer and your buttocks stick out LOL . But I guess there are nice looking
flats especially sandals. in 30s dresses can be more revealing for sure especially if a woman is in good shape.
When I turned 45 I stopped wearing miniskirts to work and parties, only on tropical vacations, but it's just me.
I also cut my hair shorter, just below shoulder, as I find weird when a middle aged woman has really long hair.
But again, my own personal preference
I now mostly wear knee length narrow skirts like on my photo on the previous page.
And going out to a restaurant or a club is for sure not a jean occasion. If You are going to do outdoor activities
and show off how strong and fit (krimster!
) You are then of course You dress sporty
I think we need to invest much more $$$ into my friend's wardrobe especially shoes and different boots.
Unfortunately she just spent $180 on some new combat looking boots I think Thursday Boot Company and rejected
all the more feminine boots I suggested because they would make her look too matronly
I think this is the boots she got and again she won't have anything for dates in the winter
http://thursdayboots.com/products/womens-coda-boot-black-leatherI mean same company at least had these:
http://thursdayboots.com/products/womens-knockout-chelsea-boot-black-leatherwhich are A LITTLE better
And btw I do like tight fitting flattering jeans especially with high heels but my friend has HORRIBLE baggy jeans which make her look much heavier. I literally have a photo from my birthday of me, her and another 53 year old Ukrainian woman where me and an older woman are wearing skirts/dresses and my friend wears baggy unflattering jeans with holes and she looks much bigger than both of us! I do tell her my opinion honestly about her jeans but she claims this is what Young people wear nowdays.
oh well ...
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Baggy jeans are the worst, just so boring on a woman and do nothing to enhance it show off the figure. She won't stick out to men wearing those and could be condemning herself to a life of miserable singledom for it.
I think your friend Lena is still in the mindset of her youth and hasn't moved on, of a girl in her teens to her early twenties. Her fashion for combat boots etc gives me the impression of that age group.
So my sketch artist profile in my mind of her counterpart goes something like this:
Her counterpart is a Male perhaps around his thirties or older who hasn't grown up and is still playing video games in his free time and wears graphic t-shirts, jeans & trainers like he did so growing up in his teenage years.That or maybe shorts or combat trousers.Suits & shirts are a no go for him unless no other choice for the office. Potentially he may earn well though as a computer programmer, the computer programming industry seems to attract many of these overgrown kids that haven't grown up but are good at computer programming. He may be somewhere around the 6ft mark but almost certainly skinny possibly a bit lanky and either everyday looking or not so attractive looking. Possibly also he might be a bit socially inept or the odd not so great character trait but probably overall not such a bad guy.
How would someone like that sound to your friend?
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Yes You are spot on. Even she herself says she dresses as a teenager.
And she did have exactly this kind of boyfriend. A programmer from Germany. He came to US and I saw him cute tall guy not extremely fit but not overweight. An avid gamer
But there was no future as he couldn’t move to US since work visas nowdays are i possible to get. So she would have needed to wait for her citizenship to brung him. That’s 3.5 yeas.
Also he didnt want a stay at home wife and didn’t want to solve all her problems when she moved to US. Not a traditional guy. But he did spend 1000s on her buying her tickets, furnitue a TV etc.
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BTW the baggy jeans I found very unflattering and told her so
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Well the task I wouldn't have thought would be too difficult for her Olga if that is the case, she just needs to aim for the sort of man described. I would have thought any IT department would be full of those sorts of guys and often a fair few of them single. If not enough choice in Reno then possibly more choice in Silicon Valley. She might try getting a guy over from there and see if he would be happy living in Reno. After any babies are born if they do wished they could move to Silicon Valley again as he would be the only one working as she apparently would no longer wished to..
I think if you found the jeans unflattering as a woman then probably most men would. I think I know the type kind of makes a woman's legs look really chunky in a nit good way. Potentially the guy might think she is a dyke or something if she doesn't seem to want to wear stuff that appeals to men as in going so far as to be stuff that they think she may not be straight.
Ah yes I see the pic now I've logged on, that's about what I was thinking.
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Yes I just posted a photo of these jeans above
She is not tied to Reno! She is trying to date remotely and move to where the guy is.
The problem with Silicon Valley is that it's SUPER expensive! I mean an average small 3 bedroom house is about 2 mil!
So unless a man is not just a developer but a developer for Google, Meta, Uber, Apple, AirBnB, Reddit, Netflix, Amazon or some other cool hard to get into companies, and makes at least 400K a year, he also won't be able to afford to be a sole provider who owns a house in Bay Area!
Men who are developers at FAANG (high paying companies) can find gorgeous younger women no matter how geeky or awkward they are because they earn 400K+
She was talking to a guy who is a developer at Apple (my former employer
) but the guy didn't like the fact she is not programming I guess
he wanted his equal as a wife!
She is now talking to a Belorussian guy who works at Amazon so maybe they will meet soon.
I think the ideal situation is for her to live in a big city but with lower cost of living than Seattle, Boston, New York, LA, or Silicon Valley. We are investigating different options. Me and her are going for a trip to Chicago in Dec to see how it is. Chicago is about same cost of living as Reno and her current employer has an office there. We will see
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Yes too funny!
I mean amazing how a skinny girl can look overweight in these!
I cropped the photo because the rest of the image looked pretty bad as well, and she really looked worse than
women in their 50s who were dressed up in a feminine way!
I mean my daughter wears jeans mostly but not THAT kind of jeans!
And she is 20! And no she doesn't have problems attracting young guys at her university esp being in COmputer Science!
Lena agreed that she looks bad on this photo, bigger than women in their 50s, but she said those jeans are very
comfortable and she only wants to wear comfortable clothes. Well my jeans I am wearing on the photos I posted
are ALSO comfortable, they are not tight or restricting at all! just not baggy!
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Comfortable = Sloppy
I just see it as an excuse for dressing often too sloppy. The stuff you are wearing is fine Olga but some people take if too far and too often.
I don't really know how the conclusion is reached of jeans being comfortable they were originally designed for workman's wear to deal with rough work and working conditions. I mean they are ok and I don't have anything against them, I have a pair of jeans myself but prefer to wear Chinos these days they just look a bit more refined In think.
For women I don't really see that dresses and skirts are particularly uncomfortable, the way I see if they are easy to throw over or around the self and job done. Tights or stuff can be worn underneath in cold weather. My impression is that smart menswear is generally more uncomfortable. A shirt for example is often stuffed into trousers which isn't necessarily all that comfortable and if course often is done up so fiddly and timed consuming. I don't mind wearing shirts so much but compared to dresses & skirts I would guess it's more of a chore. Of course wearing a shirt open and loose untucked is an option I guess but I would assume women probably don't dig the look so much.
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Comfortable doesn’t equal sloppy.
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Agreed. Some more expensive shoes for example that are high heel are very comfortable in fact!
Also I think some dressy slacks are in fact MORE comfortable than tight skinny jeans!
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Those making 400k per yr in Silicon Valley, pay about half their income in taxes
then, when I compared Supermarket prices between Texas and Silcon Valley, Silcon Valley prices were about 25% higher, home owner's and auto insurance...HAHAHA
then ask yurself, how many hours per week are these 400K people working, it's probably 80 hr weeks just to give ya a basic upper-middle class life, nothing fancy, that you have NO TIME to enjoy and it took ya years of education and experience to get there
the majority make under 200k, they're NOT even middle class in California, after you take out taxes and other excess california costs, they're NOT EVEN MIDDLE CLASS!
this is the REALITY.
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very true! 200K in bay area or even Seattle is not even enough to buy a house!
This is why I laugh when Trench calls 150K wealthy
150K in Reno or Chicago or some other middle cost of living area will at most get You a 1500-1800 sq ft house with OK schools.
400K-500K salaries are only for elite sr developers who were able to pass interviews into FAANG pr join a startup pre IPO.
When they get to principal level it will be 700K to 1.5 mil a year like at Uber (another one of my former employers btw) and even then You live in a 2000sq ft 2500sq ft normal family house with OK schools, the house is older usually and needs renovations.
So no I don't recommend Silicon Valley, Seattle, LA, Boston, NY to any young person!
It's much better to live in the area where a 200K income can still buy you a house!
The salaries in such areas are lower but not twice or 3 times lower!
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What made the high heels so comfortable? The impression I get is usually high heels are pretty uncomfortable to walk far in.
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Oh I don't know usually padding and the design which determines weight distribution.
They are not as comfortable as flats but they can be surprisingly comfortable still.
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yur friend has at most a couple of more years before she starts "aging out" of the dating game and her chances of winning the game, become less and less very rapidly
it's always a question of do ya play the hand ya got now
or hope for a better hand in next draw of the cards
she has the same problem she always had finding a suitable man
but now she's playin against the clock as well...
it's why women want a billionaire Brad Pitt, but endup with someone who sells insurance and looks like some hillbilly pridorik.
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Yes both me and her know that. I mean FSUW who stay in shape and divorce here get married in their 40s as well in my experience. But if she wants to have kids she needs to hurry.
However me showing her the reality has produced a bad effect because now she is not putting any effort into dating not replying to men who write to her on sites, rejects everyone and tells me she pretty much resigned herself to staying single and is now more concerned about establishing herself here career-wise so she doesn't need a man.
I am trying to say that it is ALWAYS nice to have a man even if he is just Your equal and doesn't solve all Your financial problems, I mean for sex and kids and even financially
You can afford a much better lifestyle on 2 times her salary, but I think she is still sort of discouraged.
I don't even think she put the new photos we got from this photoshoot on her several dating profiles
Looks like she is disillusioned and disappointed in dating.
I think the major change in her happened when one time she was saying how sometimes a woman gets tired of her job or stressed out and a REAL man is expected to then tell her ton't worry You rest and I will take care of everything.
Then I told her that guess what? MEN also often feel like that and don't mind taking a rest! (I guess Trench actually voiced it here on RWD as well that ANYONE if given a chance would decide to take time off work.
She then said that men are different, more driven, they usually love their jobs. And I said I also love my job but there were several times I hated my manager or a particular company and just wanted to quit. And I quit this stress when I was 51. A guy who is a sole provider can not quit at any point.
I showed her a poll in high tech how many people are satisfied with their job. I think it was only 64% and they are only satisfied now, not always with any job. In other field I think it was only 56% so yeah men don't actually always love their jobs they just work for money because of responsibilities.
I think the analysis above made her depressed I guess she used to think that it's a man's nature to want to be a workaholic and provide and spoil his woman. Then she realized this isn't the case
So yeah I guess I have managed to convince her that what she wants is unrealistic but now it looks like she just gave up.
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she should get either a man or a big dog for protection, the dog will be more loyal, but the man can "fix" things
when I was "white and fluffy" if I lived where there was a lot of social contact, I'd meet women who were interested in me so it comes down to some kind of probability theorum
Silicon Valley all the way up north to San Francisco will have the greatest number of young wealthy males who are socially awkward and watch a LOT of porn!!!
there's her market gazillions of clubs, organisations, gallerys, theater, music, all social settings to hunt her quarry or be hunted by them. forget Reno, a bunch of blue collar cowboys
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you mean west not north? Yeah she can't afford to move there on her salary or on any salary for QA analyst she can get there
I think Chicago is a better idea if her company moves her there.
Well yes and no her other friends: very feminine Ukrainian women who are refugees did manage
to land successful boyfriends here in Reno recently.
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She seems to be behaving more like a Western Woman now in not bothering to reply to men because she is unhappy that she can't get what she wants/the offering. That is very bad behaviour in my view she should always reply to men who have bothered to use their good time to message her or take her profile down.
I think there is always something in the deal that is cut when with another half or looking for one. I think for sure she has some silly connotations in her mind that somehow men don't feel the same way she does at work, nearly all will do, the gender may be different but most men will have the same feelings as women at work. My father used to say when he was in his early to mid fifties that him having to go out to work was more like a prison sentence. Very few men are workaholics for the joy of it, a few maybe but many probably are so out of necessity one way or another.
Shd has to realise that men don't owe her anything like she seems to think they do and are there for. However if she wants anything like the deal she does then I agree with Krim that she needs to find a much higher earning man in Silicon Valley. I see that Reno is reasonably near San Francisco (so queers aside) perhaps she should try there. She could look up men on her dating profile there and contact them, etc. Then either she goes there to meet them on a short place flight or they come to see her.
Possibly she might get her graphic t-shirt wearing overgrown boy counterpart there. Or sex things up a bit to snag her guy with a short dress like the one ML suggests, the newer photos still aren't bad at a pinch though. I definitely thing she should try different approaches as what she has been doing to date isn't really helping her it seems.
I would say though that although the man at work/woman at home with kids combo can work she might be better not giving the man the impression that he is just wanted to alleviate her burden as that may not feel nice to the man. The man will want to feel loved and wanted for who he is even if that's the deal she wants along with it. Feeling like she just wants a man to dump stuff she doesn't want on him and that's all isn't likely to go down well.
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Chicago, it's like Murmansk, but is much more "social" if she can handle the weather, a MUCH better choice than Reno but parts of the city, have to be completely avoided
silicon valley will have TEN TIMES the number of eligible bachelors compared to Reno/Sparks Lake Tahoe. for Reno, if she skis, join the volunteer ski patrol at Lake Tahoe, she'll be surrounded by young ski studs
in theory, she needs to find an organisation, that's mostly males, that's open to receiving new members and join... once she's on the inside, she needs to see who's paying attention to her, who smiles and makes eye contact... and make a move...
also, I'd use her exotic nature, I'd dress more sporty, more "edgy", mix and match with military t-shits show abs and cleavage, slightly goth with a Russian accent, are you kiddin me
and the more ya do this, the greater the probability of hitting "pay dirt"
you can play a passive role, like yur friend is doing or you can play an active role, as i'd suggest
i'd rather engage in an activity whose outcome isn't random, but is based on my effort and ability
cuz i'd get better results.
and choosing someone yur gonna have sex with, it's imperative to make a good decision, am i right? even if that person ya choose, is just yurself...
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Wow, finally a lucid and useful post from Krim.
And he makes a good point that you have to be very careful in Chicago.
It is a murder capital in some areas. The safe areas maybe too expensive.
We have a female friend who moved there to take a university teaching position.
I warned her, to no avail, about Chicago. Now she is wanting to leave after 2 years.
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Guys I am very familiar with Chicago and the crime areas are very localized. People don’t live in those areas they live in northen suburbs like Northbrook, Buffalo Grove, Glenview, Highland Park, even Skokie! Of corse some are too expensive like Willamette, Vinnetka and Naperville, but the ones I mentioned we did research and houses there same price as Reno! And great schools esp Northbrook!
Re skiing patrol yes she skis and there are hot guys there but they aren’t high earning hot guys.
ML: was this woman teaching in Loyola University, University of Chicago, UIC or even IIT (which is right next to former Taylor Homes projects which got demolished? ) Those are not good areas. Even Northwestern un Evanston can be a problem because some parts of Evanston are bad.
Thanks krimster I will relay this to her regarding possible style.
Trench: how women approach dating is NOT a cultural difference it us simply supply/demand! Trust me when I say FSUW who are here in US legally are by no means less selective/picky that western women!
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everybody in her generation and after better plan on having a two-income family (or even putting their kids to work in the mills!) it'll be a necessity.
also unwise to be too dependent on yur husband, and then he divorces you or he dies, then what are ya gonna do? she needs to come back down to earth and stop believing in fairy tales; she's not gonna be a princess.
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I think she already realized it Krim and this is why she sort of gave up I didn't mean to turn her off dating and men. It’s great to be with a man You love even if You both work!
Or find a 50+ year old with paid off house but she doesn’t want it if she can’t be attracted physically.
With some exceptions of a very traditional man who is looking for a trad woman and can afford it! But she isn’t a traditional woman which she admits.
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And about the organization with mostly men - great idea! I used to do rock climbing at her age and younger! Will tell her for sure!
I have a rich Russian friend my age she is very beautiful and expensive looking! I might post photos in a bit. Was married for 25 years to a very rich American gave him sons but he divorced her 2 years ago probably for an even younger model.
