Experiencing the Cinderella Complex: I married a FSU woman

[gousa]

 

Greetings, I married and divorced a loving but opportunistic and profiteering russian woman.   Many difficulties were involved.  It was the most difficult and emotionally and financially draining situation I have ever experienced.  I am 47.  And she was one of the good ones.  If anyone would like to know details and the truth as I see it feel free to ask.   Men should be skeptical and critical about taking on any domineering woman who marries for love and the opportunities and profits attached to the marriage.  

[diverboy70]

Hello gousa, and welcome to the forum!

Would you like to tell us a little more about what happened and the reasons? I think it could be good information to the members here.

Didn't really understood the purpose of the link?

[groovlstk]

It was the most difficult and emotionally and financially draining situation I have ever experienced.  I am 47.  And she was one of the good ones.  

Anyone else see a huge contradiction in this statement?

Gousa, I am sorry you went through this, no one deserves to be raked over the coals, but even without knowing the details of your story I sense a similarity to the guys who show up here occasionally to "warn" others. If your idea of a "good one" is an opportunistic and profiteering woman, you must have a very low opinion of women in general. That's fine, but since I'm married to a genuine "good one" I can tell you that you have no idea what a "good one" really is, and for that I'm doubly sorry for you.

[steviej]

...If your idea of a "good one" is an opportunistic and profiteering woman, you must have a very low opinion of women in general. That's fine, but since I'm married to a genuine "good one" I can tell you that you have no idea what a "good one" really is, and for that I'm doubly sorry for you.

Agree with groove here. Very sorry to hear of your trauma. Some marriages can seem to start out good and go bad. That in itself may or may not have anything to do with marrying an RW per se. Do you think you were scammed in some way? Or you just got married to quickly to a woman who's temperment and yours were just not compatible for good marriage?

[gousa]

The link was a reference to information that practicly duplicates my situation but I'm not supposed to point to other peoples works here and ther are a lot of them on this subject that I would like to point to.
My home is in a region of America that has a low female population.    Eligible parnters were few and far between and rather unattractive at best.   Some friend of mine suggested that I try the Russian market and I was skeptical but I became desperate daring and entered a Russian dating webwsite.  It was an intoxicating experience and I soon fell under the spellbinding effect of communicating with scores of gorgeous, interested, and available women.  It was a heck of a ride and I wrote a lot of letters and I chose a doctor who nice looking and was my age and had  a son.  It would have been better to have chosen an older woman with older children now I believe.  I was skeptical about the younger and middle aged FSU women who wanted children because I had an inheritance to protect and I was skeptical about having children with foreign women.  So I chose one with a child since I had previously many girlfriends with children and I had some child raising experiences with them.   It was a choice based on hope, not practcality.  I hoped something would work.  But I was a single, never married American guy and not the fully and completly domesticated family man that she wanted.  I would advise American men who have been single most of their lives to rethink any marital plans they may have with anybody, for most women in general especially those with children will want a lot of everything and that includes any time or money you used to have saved for yourself.

What happened?   It was a personality and cultural mismatch.   I liked her and married her but overspent,  while naively submitting to her dominance, a lot of inherited money on her high maintenance for three years.   She delivered a fairly high quality of love, and that's a lot I admit, but the cost of maintaining that love was staggering and unacceptable.   Her English was lousy which didn't help the fact that she really didn't want to work or support herself or contribute to the relationship in any other way and she didn't work for three years until our conflicts became so ridiculous that I moved out and filed divorce.  At that time her English was improving and  she reluctantly got a job but I had to fill out the application and submit it for her, while telling her that she WILL WORK AND DO IT NOW or else I would leave her permanently.  I could write a book about what happened but in short I believe she wanted to be selfish and spoiled,  marry my inheritance, get what she wants, and be taken care of for the rest of her life and say that she loves me.  It was a love based upon wants, and spoilings, and if I didn't give in her one way mentality the marriage was disfunctional.  That was the bona fide love.

Reasons for what happened?

 I also she believe she wanted to get her spoiled child out of the FSU for fear that he would not survive the mandatory military service he likely would have been exposed to.  I learned about that later.   THe reasons as best as I can describe were a mixture of sincerity and opportunism.  She wanted to marry the money and I resented and continue to resent that mentality.   Especially for someone who doesn't cook or contribute to a relationship other than love and sex.    I believe some people in general just simply do not want to contribute to relationships at all.  Either that or they are unable to do so or a combination of those two perspectives.  Call it opposing the woman's perogative if you want but I will oppose any effort of anyone profiteering from a marital link to my inheritance, and that's what I did.   All my efforts to develop a prenuptual or postnuptual agreement failed, and I spent ten thousand dollars on that project alone and it was a lost cause.  I could not stay married without her owning my inheritance and without me having to live with opportinism, profiteering and disrespect for the rest of my life, so I ended the marriage on my own decision and the advice of everyone I talked to including several attorneys.  Now she sits in the house that I bought, driving the car that I bought and wearing the clothes that I bought  while having men.   Everything she has I paid for with my inheritance and it was never enough, and she recognizes that our relationship is incompatible and she works on finding someone who will do what I would no longer do and that is marry her and spoil her and take care of her and lose lots of money.   I estimate this three year marriage cost me close to 200,000 spent on her alone.  That includes everything, high female maintenance costs, house, her medical and child costs and everything.  I call her mentality a one way, do nothing,  basic golddigger, Cinderella type mind set, and I have expericed American women with this mentality but her's seems to be worse.   The American women seem to have a conscience about it, she never seemed to have that.
I am having a hard time forgiving myself for marrying such a person, but she did have a good side but it was buried in an avalanch of advantage taking and using and opportunism and her perogatives.

I can sure tell more about it if anyone wants more.

[Shadow]

gousa sorry to hear about the crash and burn story.

Let me ask you some questions, and feel free not to answer them if they are too personal.

Did you spend a lot of money while meeting her ?
Did you ever inform her of how your finances work ?
Did you ever try to cut down the spending ?

You spend a lot of money, and if all you got was sex in return there would have been cheaper methods.

[diverboy70]

Im really sorry for your bad experience gousa!

May I ask how long you knew her before your marriage? I think it is of paramount importance to really get to know each other good before you marry, especially in your case with inherited money on the stake. And to get to know each other takes time.

Do you think you hurried it up too much? I mean with that inhereted money you could really had taken your time to find the lady that really was right for you.

I don't really see the "good girl" in all of this either.

[steviej]

Gousa, you said you tried the "prenup" and the "postnup" thing and neither worked. There is no such thing as a "postnup". About the prenup, what do you mean it didn't work? There's no such thing as that either. I mean, you were very aware that you had a significant inheritance situation. Definitely, that requires a prenup. Did you tell her a prenup was required? I'm assuming you did but she refused? But even with her refusal you still married her? What are the facts around the prenup issue. If you have a woman who refuses a prenup, you have significant assets or inheritance on the line, and you marry her anyway, I mean, what can you say? You're going to pay through the nose for that. Is that what happened?

[gousa]

Her love and loyalty were fairly high in quality.   But such a strange love without
considertion, flexibility, respect, compromise, communication, any selflessness, admiriation, or personal support.     It was a one way street, her way.  The deal was, as close as I can describe it, was in return for her love I would marry her and she would marry my inheritance and this would provide me with a life companion.   Her intentions seemed good but I believe she was looking for someone to make  up to her all her misfortunes.  She was poorly paid as a doctor, she divorced an alcoholic husband,  her father was killed in a mororcycle crash when she was 14.     Her child was sickly, having spent most of his early years in various hospitals.   I did enter the marriage after a year of written correspondance and I will always that say her intentions were as sincere as her anyone elses or at least they appeared that way.   She has a nice smile and she asked me for dental bills befor she came.  Sometimes I wonder if it is a sociopathic smile.   I spent some legitmate money,  I spent a few thousand dollars on dental bills and English Classes and driving classes and legitmate things before she came.  THe Russian dental work was lousy though and now has to be redone however.  

The battle to end the war came after several violent confrontations occured the last one of which I lost my tolerance and simultaneously filed a domestic abuse charge and a
divorce finalization at the same time.   She was so desperate to keep the marriage intact she would not let me leave the house even when I was so angry that I couldn't even see straight.  When I would try to leave the house she would grab my clothes and try to drag me to the floor.    You know Russia doesn't have the respect of freedom that we do.    She didn't want me to walk away and she was certainly not going to let me do anything of the kind.    We tried to continue to see each other for a year after the divorce but the conflicts and the issues were never resolved and she wanted to be married and she didn't understand that I couldn't risk my inheritance on a one way street marriage.  In her mind she was always the victim.  In my mind I was always a target and a victim of sorts I guess.  You really don't know a person unless you live with them for a while.   I believe the three months of living together before you have to marry the fiance is not enough.  I told her I was afraid of her when I saw her laxidasical ways and her permissive parenting techniques.  She said that she could not go back home because her job was gone and she had no opportunity there anymore.  I wonder about that sometimes.  But she had good  qualities, it's just that being responsible and contributional  and functional weren't among them.   She completely refused marriage counseling  even when I offered to provide a translator for her during the counseling.  SHe was bull headed to say the least.
She is a communist and you can the imagine the color of some of the advice I gave her on that subject.  Her father was a Communist and her mother was a Cossak.   What a mismatch there...eh?    I think I would have been better off marrying her mother.  Her mother grows vegtables and chickens and sells them.  What a gal.

[groovlstk]

Her love and loyalty were fairly high in quality.   But such a strange love without
considertion, flexibility, respect, compromise, communication, any selflessness, admiriation, or personal support.

That's not love, not even close. I know it's hard to admit, probably the single hardest thing for you at this point, but you were played on many levels.

[gousa]

My first attorney botched the prenup because of stalling (what attorneys do) and lack of experience in family law.   Two other attornneys botched two attempts at a postnup through stalling and their own sheer laziness.  There are valid postnups it's just that nobody wants to sign them and they rarely work, but they are a valid legal agreement just like any other legal contract.   When I directed attention to the prenup she vaguely said to me that "everything will be alright" and I believe that was a deceptive statement.   A Russian female is a bull headed creature but so am I.    They certainly won't want to diminish any opportunities or profits they can get from a nuptual situation.  And no couselor will ever advise them to do so so it's Catch 22.  You can't get one and you can't live without one.  So basicly I learned that I can't safely be married to anyone anywhere.  Anyone will be able to profit from the hard work of me and my ancestors through marriage to me.  This is true of anyone with any assets at all.  You just can't be married.  It's black and white.   It's a little bit better in Nevada and California from what I understand.

[Shadow]

If the attorney 'botched' the paperwork, that would mean it was not prepared before she arrived in the USA ?
If you tell that there was a 'fairly high quality of love and loyalty' do you mean she had sex with you and did not sleep around much ?
That is at least what I understand from it.

It seems you were played a long time.

[gousa]

My first attorney was extremely late in delivering the prenup and it was improperly executed anyway.     I didn't know this at the time.  I had poor
legal advice at the time.  There are volumes between what I knew then and what I know now.    I'm kind of like Paul McArtney.    I just decided I would give it  a go and threw caution to the wind.   I have never met an attorney who could always be right, if ever.   When I told her it wasn't safe for me to marry her she was already here and said she couldn't go back and started crying all day and night and wouldn't stop.  After a week of that I had had enough, grabbed the stupid prenup, made her sign it and said, "Okay we're married now, just don't be a goldigger."  She said that she wasn't and I believed it.   What a dope.  Her postnup attorney that I paid for was a real piece of work.   She was a digger extrordiaire as most attorneys are.   A Russian-American woman herself, she advised my spouse  that the only way she could fix this marriage was to dominate it and make it immpossible for me to get a divorce so together they embarked on an organized effort to pilfer assets and use commonwealth laws to
gaurantee her maximum interest in my inheritance, creating exactly the very situation that I was trying to avoid.    My first postnup attorney was also a piece of work,  delaying and stalling for almost a year before abandoning the case completely.   When I asked my spouse  if I could have half of  her meager inheritance she practically laughed at me, saying that would never work.    There is the one way street in perfect action again.    So I told them that their situation wouldn't work either and then I filed the divorce.   The marriage was 2.5 years old then.    In return for such consideration I refused to sign her citizenship adjustment papers and filed the divorce.   Because I had paid cash for the new marital home it was apparently a target for division so my attorney and I said go ahead and use the house for awhile but it will need to be divided in a few years.   So she gets half the house for free.   That's not so bad but when you add all the high brat maintenance costs over three years the total is pretty sizeable.

[groovlstk]

When I told her it wasn't safe for me to marry her she was already here and said she couldn't go back and started crying all day and night and wouldn't stop.  After a week of that I had had enough, grabbed the stupid prenup, made her sign it and said, "Okay we're married now, just don't be a goldigger."  She said that she wasn't and I believed it.   What a dope.

I can think of a lot worse labels you qualify for in addition to "dope."

If you're not a troll, IMHO you got what you deserved. Next time you want to pick out a pretty puppy make sure she's neutered and lobotomized, first. 

[gousa]

Love and Loyalty:

I believe that she was not promiscuous during the time that we were married.  She was always good with sex.  It was me that had a lack of desire for sex because having sex in a one way street marriage, in my opinion, is more like masturbation or prostitution than making love, but that was the goal of the relationship for her.   It just seemed to me that she was always selling her love, loyalty and sex to me.       A female cousin of mine, who is a champion of such causes, calls it the female perogative.   It put a damper on my sexual desire and performance to say the least.   But in her opinion she had nothing else to sell.  She believed in the one way relationship simply because that is what she believed an American marriage to her was supposed to be.    I believe she wanted to be a trophy wife without the typical assets that a trophy wife usually has.   A trophy wife is supposed to be beautiful and accomplished and independant financially.   She was a doctor in Russia but she didn't want to work even as a nurse here.   She is a 12 dollar an hour phlebotomist now which is the lowest, easiest,  and incidently the best and only position she could find without going into nursing, which she refused to do.   I believe that she is one of the group who believes in exploitation of the west in general,  and the husband is number one on the exploitation list.    I suppose one could say that American men are exploiting FSU women, but I was the giver in this relationship.   She wanted someone to drop his entire life and attend to her needs.  I was a dope and fell into it thinking it maybe is just a phase, but it's not a phase, it's a full blown agenda for her category.  

[gousa]

I'm not sure I know what a troll is or what IMHO means.
Please explain?  There are a lot of people, both men and women in general  like me who apparently are getting what they deserve.   No good deed goes unpunished apparently.   I tried to be good and I got punished so I gave up.   Isn't that what a lot of people do, both male and female?   Why don't you tell me what you are thinking and I'll tell you what I think about you.  Sound good?

[Jumper]

This is true of anyone with any assets at all.  You just can't be married.  It's black and white.

really? there are no men in the world with assets that are married?

its black and white?

Or most are indeed married?


perhaps more accurate?

There are men in world whose consuming  concern about thier assets
certainly keep them from  marrying  anyone.

When I told her it wasn't safe for me to marry her she was already here and said she couldn't go back and started crying all day and night and wouldn't stop.  After a week of that I had had enough, grabbed the stupid prenup, made her sign it and said, "Okay we're married now, just don't be a goldigger."  She said that she wasn't and I believed it.   What a dope.

how romantic, you were just the man she was looking for love and sincerety?

typically you get in return,, what you dish out,
or at the very least , what you expect.

(sorry, but i'm laughing at what my wife would have said to you with that!! and yes
 she would have gladly returned to her country from such a marriage propiosal ,not looking back once )


at any rate your ex wife,   was already here,,with her child it seems.
 what exactly did you expect?

you state she was loyal and loving.
perhaps high maintenence.


but you list a home ,a car , and some other normal family life things you bought.

you spent  200,000  but list the home and auto as part of that ?
Thats normal things for a family to have??

i cant count my home as some purchase i made specifically for my wife?
even if i lost it threw a divorce someday ,?

i'm kind of wondering what you were expecting?
her to be a full contributing member financially immediately?
 
3 years would be kind of a minimum for her to really get up to speed,
and wether sh ewoul dbe workin ghor a stay at gho,me mom shoul dhave been worked out long before any K1 papers filed?
 if her english was poor as you indicated she certainly needed a couple years to adjust
and you should expect that?

you dint expect to b y a house and car , and lose most of your former free time ,
by having a family?

your SHARING your life with another person..
yeah that means your losing a big percentage of free time as hopefully youd prefer to spend it with them?

sure you both still need  yoiur alone time, or boys or girls "night out"
but yeah personal free time is limited in most families.


it may seem like it, but i'm not trying to bust your a$$ ,
i am trying to understand your own expectations?

what where you wanting or looking for in marraige?
companionship? check
loyality? check.
loving ? check
contributing?  no,and could be a deal breaker..
i do understand she seemed not to want to contribite anything (cooking cleaning?)

but honestly the jest of your posts shows she may have had some cinderalla expectations,
but your own ewxpectations in marriage wernt even in the ball park either?
hence your advice for single guys to never marry.

yes it appears you wernt ready for marriage,.
and you recognize it now.
thats certainly not her fault.


so you not being ready for marriage ,
and her expectations being a bit over the top..
set a perfect storm eh?

I dont see her being Russian having anything to do with it..
if anything the fact she TRIED desperately to keep you in the home , to th epoin tof dragging yiou down when you tried to leave, and stay married to you..
and try to keep in relations with you after you left..
is the only RW trait i see.


we can only go by what youve posted so far..
obviuosly there is a lot more to the story.

but your own insecurities about marriage in general, and protecting your nest egg
 in particular ,
 seemed to doom any real chance you or her had..from the very first "proposal"

something along the lines of
here,,now stop crying and be happy, and dont be a gold digger dammit

should hace crossed your mind as not the best foundation for a good marriage..

I honestly dont know wether to laugh or cry at this..
just my silly opinion...







 

[kievstar]

Hi, couple problems with your choice.  First $200,000 over 3 years is not very much for a hot doctor (assuming she is good looking) and a child.  What was the income level of her previous husband (was he rich ???).  Your lucky you paid this little at just over $5,000 a month.

You also sound very greedy with your money.  Russian men tend to be generous with their money.   

Also, she was a doctor.  To be a doctor in USA she would have to take more schooling plus learn English.  Very hard to tell someone hey take a meaningless job in my country and forget about being a doctor.  Also, Russian women usually expect the man to make money and women to take care of the home.  Children are important.

I feel sorry for your divorce but your not innocent in this.  Does not sound like you would do well with any Russian woman I know. 

Most men on this board have been divorced like myself.  Take this as a learning experience and move on. 

[SANDRO43]

I'm not sure I know what a troll is or what IMHO means. Please explain?

Have a look at the RWD Glossary in the Main Menu at top left .

[SANDRO43]

wether sh ewoul dbe workin ghor a stay at gho,me mom shoul dhave

AJ, how many times did I urge you NOT to write a post while riding your bike over wild terrain ? You're hitting the space bar on rebounds, methinks .

[gousa]

hmmm that's a lot of questions.....   
I like questions.  I've got answers.

My inheritance is not an option for division by anyone without my permission.  I'm just sorry about that and that's just the way it is.    Marriage is a state regulated document.   That means that the state controls divison of assets and the longer you are married the more the spouse owns.   My inheritance is not an option for division to anyone as long as I am alive the same as her smaller inheritance was not an option for me. 

My ability to be romantic fell apart quickly as in incompatibility factor revealed itself more and more.   I have stated my opinion of her charachter traits and they can only be interpreted here as my opinion.   And in my opinion, how can anyone  be romantic with someone who excells in these qualities?   I dished out what was being dished to me.   What was normal for her was not normal for me.   I lost patience and tolerance at a high rate of speed.

I paid inherited cash for the new marital home.   In a community property state this means that you just  divided that  much of your inheritance.  In fact anything you do with your inheritance, in such a state, means that it is divided.  So the only way to prevent a spouse from profiting from inheritance spending is never to buy anything of any value and never make any further investments because everything you spend or invest is a gift to them whether you like it or not.  I expected some form of contribution to the relationship other than sex, looks, and professed love.   She was always interested in unnecessary things and we had more than one argument about the Corvette she wanted.  That was one of the arguments about what she wanted, which was just about everything.  There was no limit and no mercy.  Her requests were endless, preposturous and bottomless.   She wanted me to spend money and buy everything immediately.   Her perpetual battle cry was "I WANT".     She didn't want to live in my part of the country and I was interested in a winter home in the south so I purchased a second home in a southern state.   The community property laws in that state were contradictory and confusing so I couldn't depend on them.  I  weighed the issues and  decided that I would prefer to give a gift to anyone besides a bank so I decided against a mortgage.  That was another big booboo.   But I still had the lemon in my lap so I decided to make lemonade.  I bought the place and she immediately got half of it as a gift.   There goes 75 grand.  She always had her calculator out so I'm getting mine out.    75 grand = half the house.   It cost me about 30,000 a year to support her and the child for three years.  I spent 10,000 on a used car for her with a new engine.  I gave twenty thousand away during the divorce.  That's about 200,000.   My own house and place of residance apparently wasn't good enough.  She had a friend from her home town in the south so that's where she wanted to be.  By the way her friend is a brat and her husband divorced her also.  No I certainly didn't expect immediate contributions but I did expect a different mentality which is the basis of my discussion.   Her constant exploitive mentality is, was and always will be unacceptable to me.

Up to speed you say?   She never wanted to get even close.  She wanted to be taken care of forever plain and simple.

Whether or not I was, am or ever will be ready for marriage is not the issue.  I want to look at the record.  The record shows and anyone can see that I tried to satisfy the unsatisfiable.   Her expectations were limitless and opportunistic and exploitive.  My expectations were simple.      I had a lemon and tried to make lemonade and that was not smart.    I certainly was not ready for a marriage to someone with her mentality.   Nor will I ever be.   But I know everyone has poor qualities to some degree.  Her level was just unacceptable to me.

This woman used me as her hobby.  It was my job to serve her.   There was no time for anything with her around.  She never had anything to do.  She did some cleaning and took care of laundry fairly well but that was all.   My restaurant bills were huge.  From her perspective, she was a spoiled doctor who ate at the hospital; why should she have to cook anything in a marriage?   She cooked fairly well for the first year but that went south when she went south to the new house.   She wanted to be a flash tan queen there.

My inheritance and the interest that it earned could have supported us indefinitly if she could have curbed her appetite for spending my money.  SHe couldn't resist the temptation to use me as a money cow at every opportunity.

I believe this character problem or personality trait spans genders and cultures and just about everything.  But I am suspicious that these qualities are amplified by where she is coming from.    It is my personal belief that she got culturally programmed somehow to be this way, opportunistic and Cinderella like.   Maybe it was her culture that conditioned her and maybe it was her agency, who knows.   American culture is a little bit different.

For example it is a felony in America for anyone to contain another person within a boundary or a building, or anywhere for that matter.  It is an infringement of mobility and freedom.   I would certainly never do this to anyone out of respect both for them and the law.  If somebody wants to get away from another person's vicinity it is their constitutional right.   She wanted me to remain in her continuous dominace and service forever and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry either.    That was the foundation for the marriage.

[gousa]

for kievstar,

Apparently I am obligated to pay for her looks which is her main asset.  In that case her assets will depreciate rapidly and mine will appreciate, that is, if I could have been successful  at stopping her from demanding that I spend it, which I was not.  Gee that's all around only about 200 dollars per day.   Sounds like a real deal, for her that is.  How long do you think I could keep that up? 

It is my opinion that anyone who doesn't spend themselves completly dry is greedy in the eyes of an opportunistic profiteer.   It is dangerous and foolish to be generous to such a mentality for it will only snowball into more and more spending.  So it goes.   But isn't that  what the diggers of the world want, someone who is foolish?  A fool and his money...make a great date!  Don't you think?

Of course I am to blame because men are always to blame.   Isn't that part of the ever growing female perogative?  As I said she could have been a nurse with only minimal effort but she didn't even want to do that.  She just wanted to live for the moment and be irresponsible.


I'm glad you spoke about doing well with a Russian woman and that brings me to my final conclusion.   I no longer want have anything to do with a Russian woman, much less being married and having sex and taking care of spoiled Russian children.    Go American I say.  But it's difficult anywhere and the kids are getting spoiled here as well.  Love is doing someone else's thing.   I did someone else's thing ad infinum and I  got mostly a lot of disrespectful crap in return for it.    I supposed that's normal in Russia but it's not normal for me.  Taking without giving was her battle cry and I don't want to fight that battle any more.  In the words of the great chief Joseph of the Nez Pierce Indians, "I WILL FIGHT NO MORE FOREVER" 

Adios and thanks for listening and thanks for the inputs,
gousa

[DKMM]

Sorry man, you sound completely hopeless.  I have some clients like you, and believe me what you are going through has little to do with the fact that she's Russian.  I'm sorry the people you trust never showed you how to get good advice to protect yourself, because obviously you need to take steps (fool and his money parting, sorry).

PS you don't need a prenup to protect your inheritence (I'm not even sure if you are for real, can anybody be that clueless?).  No offense intended, but you could use some professional advice, start with a CPA and go from there.  I'd help you but not without a LARGE retainer.

[DKMM]

Oh I almost forgot to hit you with this 

[gousa]

My final attorney left a lot to be desired but he was the best.  He really got played even worse by a sociopathic Russian gal.   He and some other attorneys informed me that in my state in the south there was no protection available for inheritance, or for any funds that are exchanged during any marriage.    No retainer could ever change that and I really didn't want to jump through any more hoops trying to protect myself.   

I would like to add that  in 1929 there was  blood shed by my ancestors over this inheritance.   My mother's father drowned  himself for insurance money when the stock market crashed in 1929 so that the family could keep the land.     My mother's brother was a bombardier in a B-24  Liberator that went down in Romania over the Ploesti oil fields.  He would have been eligible for some of the property.   My father was crushed by a falling tree in 1989 while logging in the woods.  He would have been eligible for some of the inheritance also.   My mom died from colon cancer a few years ago and that's when I got the inheritance and had some hopes for marriage.  Before that I had nothing.  But I am well educated and I could always find something, just not enough to  be married.   I have helped a lot of people in my life I am good at just about everything but not with women.  Oh well that's life.